Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Back to the Basics . . .

After floundering in every way possible over the last few weeks, I've gone back to the basics.  Last Friday, I had the day off and I was sitting here all blue just trying to think of what to eat and feeling like everything was boring and I needed some inspiration and ideas.  For that, I turned to my own blog, gee, imagine that!  I scrolled back through my posts knowing I had posted pictures in the past of things that I loved and what I was eating.  Back in the mix are a few simple salads, a thai peanut stir fry that I make with a packet that I LOVE, chicken fajitas, hard-boiled eggs, omelets, spaghetti squash and wraps.  Just to name a few.  I went through the flyers, found that the case of boneless skinless chicken breast was on sale at Sobey's and started there.  Then off to Costco for lots of fruits & veggies, frozen & fresh.  I haven't eaten a meal out since and I've been completely satisfied.  Tonight I was tired and hadn't planned what I was going to eat but since I had a variety of fresh stuff in the fridge, I ended up with an egg white omelet stuffed with spinach, mushrooms, onions, tomato, havarti & feta and a sliced tomato from the garden on the side. Delicious and it didn't take long at all.  

I also started tracking all my WW points plus again and today is day 6.  Going back to the basics paid off on the scale, I weighed in on Tuesday which made it 8 days and I was down 6.6 pounds.  WHOOP!  I don't even know how that's possible but I weighed myself again this morning to make sure and it was on par.  I'll take it!

I also worked out a few times in the last few days in the form Just Dance 3 for the Wii.   Oh man, fun fun fun.  Actually, the funniest part was when I took it to my neighbor's place.  She popped it in her Wii and moved the furniture out of the way and told me to choose a song while she went to the washroom.  I couldn't decide and then just opted for "speed shuffle" just thinking that would give us some short versions of some songs.  After a while, laughing, dancing, bumping into each other and sweating buckets, we kept thinking, "isn't this over yet??"  Then another song would start.  Finally we stopped it and ran outside to cool off.  We came back in and she checked the time played and it was 39 minutes.  I checked the booklet and it turns out that speed shuffle will play a shortened version of each song.  EACH OF THE 40 SONGS!  Ahahahah!  I don't even know how many songs we went through but it must have been almost all of them.  So funny.  Good to know for future.  Anyhow, highly recommend it, loved most of the songs too.  

This is the new wallpaper on my iPhone.  Just a reminder, that nothing that is happening in my life right now is the end of the world.  

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Feel Good? Tweet Tweet?

The office treat guy strikes again!!  Of course he would, because it's almost Halloween.  This will continue for another month because Halloween candy will be on sale the day after as well.  Then it will be Christmas and he will strike again.  In fact, the holidays will blend together in treats I'm sure.  He sent out the email today inviting us all over for treats.  I went over later in the day to scold him.  I said "cut it out with the treats!"  And then I grabbed a raspberry tootsie pop and walked away with as much dignity as I could muster.  Next time, and by next time, I mean tomorrow - I'm going to ask him what the heck a skinny diabetic guy needs with all this candy?!

Oh Twitter.  I'm trying twitter.  I'm going to be honest.  I don't quite get it.  I need twitter for dummies.  Retweets and hashtags and all.  All those little symbols remind me of the Atari game Q*Bert.  Hehe - anyone under the age of 30 probably won't get that reference.  So if you want to find and follow me, go ahead, I'm terribly exciting.  I'm thinking it will be great for motivation or encouraging others throughout the day when we're not sitting at our computers blogging and commenting.  Is it called my "handle"?  I have no idea, anyway, I'm under Chubby Girl (by first and last name) and the handle is ChubbyGirlTrain.  The little picture is my button of the redhead (my button is on the right of this blog).  

In light of my recent meltdown or ongoing meltdown, whatever, I've decided to try to take really good care of myself.  I'm making a list of things that make me feel good. Here's what I have so far:
A clean condo.  I LOVE my condo. LOVE IT.  So when it's clean and everything is in its place, it feels so wonderful.  On the other hand, a messy condo makes me more like a shut-in.  However, I am not a domestic goddess so this doesn't just come naturally.  
Eating better.  Haha - isn't that what this blog was originally supposed to be about??  But really, when I eat better, I feel better.  
Exercise.  Like above, I'm betting exercise will make me feel even better.  You know, endorphins and all.  
Less facebook.  Sounds stupid I know.  But facebook makes me feel like sh*t these days so I'm just going to stay off of it for a while.  I'll tweet instead :)  And if I'm loving my facebook free week, I'm going to delete it.  
Sleep.  This should actually be number one.  I need to get to bed earlier.  Last night I made sure to be in bed early and I actually woke up before my alarm and had a pleasant morning NOT running around like a crazy person.  
Saying no.  I need to say no when I want to say no.  And stop saying yes when I desperately want to say no.  

So my questions to you fabulous folks . . . what makes you feel good or happy or whatever?  And got any twitter tips?  Wanna follow me?  Want me to follow you?  Let me know!!

And ps -- thanks for the support.  Really truly really truly.  

pps -- I just watched the most disgusting Survivor challenge I've ever seen.  

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Soooo . . . . crap.

Soooo yeah.  I'm not in a good place.  Really not.  I've turned into a hermit.  I've always been a bit of a homebody in that I like being at home.  I don't mind spending time alone and I love my home.  But I think I've crossed the line from homebody to hermit.  Mostly because I don't want to spread this negativity and Debbie Downer business around.  And because I really just don't want to be around people.

When it comes right down to the very nitty gritty of it, I'm not happy.  I'm quite unhappy.  I'm an angry person.  I'm a fearful person.  Sometimes I think my fear masquerades as anger.  I feel like I suck at life.  These are things that I generally always think and feel but I've gotten quite good at just pushing it back down and going on with business as usual.  However, circumstances as of late, bring all of it to the surface, all the time.  My baby sister gets married tomorrow.  She's getting married by a JP just to be married before the baby comes and there is a very small family only dinner tomorrow night.  Every time I think about it, I cry.  Every time.  At work.  While waiting for the bus.  While on the bus.  If I think about it, I can choke on the lump in my throat and tears sting my eyes.  I feel like such a failure.  A loser.  A spinster.  And then I get angry.  At myself.  Very very angry.

As a result of my explosion of emotion at a fricking bus top on Tuesday morning, I made an appointment with one of our company counsellors.  I work for a great company and I am very thankful that we have two counsellors on staff and it's free.  FREE!!!  I had an appointment the same day I called and as a result, I  now have 4 more appointments scheduled within October and November and I will be doing therapy.  Therapy.  THERAPY.  Seems like such a big word now.  Ominous really.  I've never done therapy before.  I thought I had just by talking to a counsellor every few months to a year but as it turns out, that's not really THERAPY.  And what I'm giving a try is hypnotherapy.  Not gonna lie.  I'm scared.  Not scared to try it.  But scared that I try it and it doesn't work.  Then what?  Then I just stay the way I am forever?  I don't actually believe I will survive being the way I am forever.  So it has to work.  I feel like I'm in a swimming pool and everyone is frolicking in the pool and bouncing around and having a great old time and I'm half under water, drowning, with only my eyes above the surface watching everyone.

As for the weight loss part of my equation, I have not given up.  I've been doing really well at not eating the refined white stuff.  I actually lost 5 pounds in that week that I started.  I am going to weigh in on Monday.  My neighbor started back with WW and her weigh-ins are Monday too so we are going to keep each other accountable and we are getting together on Monday to set goals.  I am two weeks behind on Brad Gansberg's running thing though because I joined up for the September 26th start and sent my new Y gym request into payroll but they were so backlogged with work that it didn't get hooked up right way.  I should be able to get my card and go on Sunday.

So that's where I'm at.  Time for bed now.  Good night sweet peeps.