Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Angry Dieter
The other thing I kept thinking about all day was how much I didn't want to go to the gym. I was tired. I wanted cheese. And I didn't want to go to the gym. I'd already told one of the other girls that I would be at barbell class so I knew I had to go. I did only 15 minutes on the treadmill. I didn't attempt running. I did the barbell class and enjoyed it. During the class, I decided I was going to the store right after and getting the Brie and crackers. I drove halfway there and turned around and went home. At this point, you would expect that I would feel proud of myself. Proud that I had resisted the temptation. Proud that I had conquered day 30. I only felt angry. REALLY ANGRY. I was angry that I gained all this weight back. I was angry that I couldn't have what I wanted. I was angry that I don't have the metabolism of a teenaged boy (or either of my sisters for that matter). I was angry that for the first time in over a month, this felt like a fricking DIET instead of the healthy lifestyle change I've been selling myself.
I know this will pass. It will likely pass in 3 - 5 days. Nudge nudge, wink wink. But for now, I'm angry. I may end up eating a block of cheese at some point but if that happens, I'm going to track the damn thing. And likely regret eating it in the first place. I will keep reminding myself of this.