Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Angry Dieter

The first 29 days of tracking and staying within my points for the day and week were at times challenging but ultimately very doable.  Until . . . Day . . . 30.  All day yesterday (the 30th day), I thought about cheese and crackers.  Mostly Brie.  Big old wheel of melted Brie and a box of crackers.  Maybe some havarti.  Provolone.  Gouda.  I think you get the idea.  You may think, "well why not have a small amount of cheese in something prepared?".  I do that.  I do that almost every day.  For 29 days, that worked like a charm.  Oh but evil day 30, I wanted cheese.  A lot of cheese.  I wanted to feel the kind of full I felt before I started on this journey of mine.

The other thing  I kept thinking about all day was how much I didn't want to go to the gym.  I was tired.  I wanted cheese.  And I didn't want to go to the gym.  I'd already told one of the other girls that I would be at barbell class so I knew I had to go.  I did only 15 minutes on the treadmill.  I didn't attempt running.  I did the barbell class and enjoyed it.  During the class, I decided I was going to the store right after and getting the Brie and crackers.  I drove halfway there and turned around and went home.  At this point, you would expect that I would feel proud of myself.  Proud that I had resisted the temptation.  Proud that I had conquered day 30.  I only felt angry.  REALLY ANGRY.  I was angry that I gained all this weight back.  I was angry that I couldn't have what I wanted.  I was angry that I don't have the metabolism of a teenaged boy (or either of my sisters for that matter).   I was angry that for the first time in over a month, this felt like a fricking DIET instead of the healthy lifestyle change I've been selling myself.

I know this will pass.  It will likely pass in 3 - 5 days.  Nudge nudge, wink wink.  But for now, I'm angry.  I may end up eating a block of cheese at some point but if that happens, I'm going to track the damn thing.  And likely regret eating it in the first place.  I will keep reminding myself of this.


  1. I say...don't deprive yourself. If you want some cheese, have it. It's better to do it now then not. That's a set up for failure. And the whole thing about this healthy lifestye...well it means learning how to have your cheese...and your crackers too!!!

    Enjoy my moderation!

    Have a great weekend.

  2. I totally feel you. I have those days when I'm just craving chocolate, and copious amounts of it. What to do then? *Sigh*

    But what you wrote at the end does ring true for me as well--if/when I do end up eating the chocolate/cheese/[insert type of highly fattening food here] and then track it, which is the smart thing to do, I usually end up regretting it. Moreover, I usually don't even enjoy eating it while I'm eating it. The first bite--I gulp it down. Second bite--I can sorta taste it. If I really do follow popular dieting advice and chew slowly and "savor" what I'm eating, then I find that I don't really need as much.

    Hope you continue making mindful decisions! Best wishes... :)

  3. I have had those days of struggle, there have been moments I could cry I want to eat so bad, just drown it all with food! But hang on and know it will hopefully pass. I am with Kimberlynn, could you have just "some" cheese or are you like me when I drink Coke or Pepsi, I am like an alcoholic and can't quit with "just a little." Hope you see better days soon.

  4. I totally know how you feel!! Oh my goodness! But you will get there! I have had some bad stuff, but yet I track it... and it looks sooooo bad on my WW journal ugh, its so humiliating! But the good thing about looking at our food that is tracked, it will show us what to do different. It will also tell us where we went wrong, I am sure you know that but sometimes its nice to hear again :) Good luck this week!!! By the way, I really like to enjoy a wedge of laughing cow light creamy Swiss cheese spread on Triscuits (7 to be exact) or any kind of cracker you like that isn't to bad in points. But the cheese really adds to it and its only 1 point! Yum!

  5. I have the same cheese issue. Sometimes all I can think about is havarti with dill. My advice, don't deprive yourself, it will only make you want it more and more until you binge on it. What I do is go buy my stupid cheese that won't get out of my head and cut it up into the thinnest slices you have ever seen...I've been known to use a potato peeler to achieve this effect. The I measure it out. Put it all in separate bags and have one bag for each meal and my two snacks. By the end of the day I can't say I haven't had my fair share of cheese and I didn't binge on it. Hope that helps some! Good luck with it!


  6. You probably already know about this, but be sure to check out Babybel lite chese (one circle thing for 1 pt) and of course Laughing Cow or string cheese. But I'm with ya on the melted Brie, thats my favorite.

  7. I wonder if we have the lite Babybel in Canada, I'll have to check. I love Laughing Cow. It's so much cheaper in the States so the last time I went for the day, I bought a WHOLE BUNCH and I use it in almost everything from wraps to eggs. I also buy the grated cheese and actually store it in the freezer so that I don't just eat it out of the bag. But when the PMS comes around, I want to dive wholeheartedly into my old habits.

  8. I have found cheese sticks that are 1 point each on WW. Cheese is one of those foods that is SO good but gets so high in points! :( But if this was a test for you- way to go on passing it! Cheese isn't the worst thing you could eat- but I understand how sometimes you know you want to eat something for reasons other than a craving- maybe emotional (TOM) and if you were able to combat that- WAY TO GO!! :) Maybe have some cheese when you're not influences by TOM. ;)

  9. The babybel light cheese is my saving grace. I'm a cheese and crackers girl too and know that urge. I know that there is moderation and we shouldn't deny but I think you're like me and it won't be in moderation, at least not right now.

    Good for you turning around.