Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Please Stop the Ride!

It's been a while.  I haven't done much but I've maintained my weight.  Pretty good considering usually when I'm not losing weight, I'm gaining weight.  Staying the same is okay for right now because I haven't been capable of much else.

I've been on this!  Canada's Wonderland.
Normally, I love rollercoasters.  Love them!  I want to get off the emotional one I'm on.  There has been so much happening.  So much.  And I'm still smack dab in the middle of it.  Painfully so.  There have been a few good things and some bad things and it's all exhausting so I'll just share a couple today, otherwise, it will be one of those posts that is so long that you open it and think "oh hell, I don't have time to read that!"  So I'll post again this weekend with the rest.

The good first -- I have posted before about my least favorite body part.  My breasts.  Ugh.  Far too big, far too much back pain.  I can only spend so much on massage therapy only to have the pain back in a couple of days.  Anyhow, back in February I finally asked my doctor for a referral to a surgeon for a breast reduction.  I had my first consultation in May, they took all the measurements required and did an exam and told me I was "clearly a candidate" for insurance to cover it.  Awesome!   Then I was told the wait was a year.  Sigh.  They did have a cancellation list so I put myself on it and told them that I would so love to get an appt between October & March because winter is the best time for me and my job to be able to take time off.  I also told them I could do short notice, give me a couple weeks heads up and I'll take it.  The call came at the end of October and they had a cancellation for me for November 29th.  I jumped on it.  My birthday is the 30th so I'm thinking this is the best birthday present ever.  I'm so excited.  I've researched and researched and I'm pretty prepared around home for my recovery time.  I'm pumped.  I can't believe it's this Tuesday!

The bad -- I hate when something or someone points out that I'm fat.  I know I'm fat.  I don't need a reminder.  Here was the reminder, at least that other people thought so too.  So my Grandma and Grandpa recently moved with my Dad all the way from Ontario to BC.  A big move at their age.  Grams is 91 and Gramps is almost 93.  Grams is starting to have some confusion.  We're not sure if it's Alzheimer's or dementia or sometimes just some confusion.  People used to get my sister Erin and I mixed up constantly.  Not so much now that I'm overweight.  With there being three granddaughters, she's starting to mix us all up.  I was talking to my Dad on the phone, saying how excited I was that I will be there to visit in a month and I asked how Grams was doing with the confusion etc.  He told a few really funny stories about things she's said and then he thought of one more.  Dad was telling her how Erin was coming over for supper and that I was coming to visit for ten days at Christmas and she looked at him and said "who's the big one?" Yeah, that would be me.  F*ck.  I don't blame her for saying it.  She's 91 years old and she can't ask who's the blonde, who's the freckled one, or who's the blue-eyed one because we both are.  The only difference to her is that I'm the big one.  But you know, he's known that I struggle with my weight, he's known how hard I've tried, he knows about the thyroid, he knows about the depression, did he really have to repeat that f*cking charming anecdote?  No, he didn't.  And what's more, is that Grams is pretty damn proper and she never would have said that to me or in front of me.  I took a hit that day.  That was Saturday.  Now I'm going to visit one month from today knowing I'm the "big one" to everyone else too, not just me.  Ugh.  I love this forum.  I haven't even repeated this story to anyone because I probably would have cried while telling it.

Hopefully, I can use this as motivation after the surgery.  Heck, the surgery alone is automatically going to make me smaller and I've been reading up on the healing diet that is recommended for speedy healing with fewer issues.  Just by looking at it, I can tell there will be weight loss.  Every little bit helps.

I will post again this weekend because oh yes, there is still more.  It's been a crazy, crazy month!
Missed you bloggy peeps :)