Weigh-In - Pass the Whine, & Wiiiiiiiiiiii

Michelle - age 4, fantastic wallpaper.

I'll lead with the Waaah.  I'm so tired.  This whole week I've been so so so tired.  I've had a scratchy, sore throat and feel like I've been fighting something off since last Thursday.  I have not succumbed completely yet though.  When I'm this tired, I'm weak when it comes to my food choices and that showed on the scale.  I was up 3.5 pounds.  Booo.  Oh well, I expected some of it but not all of it.  I've been thinking a lot about how much of an all or nothing attitude I have.  When I'm on, I'm really on, and I lose 4 pounds.  When I'm blowing it, I throw caution to the wind and gain the 4 pounds back.  Rapidly.  I have to work on not writing off the whole day if I've made a poor choice at lunch time.  And not writing off the whole week because I've had one bad day.  Tomorrow is the start of a new week!!

Next up, per my previous post To Wii or Not To Wii, I decided to Wii!!!  Over the last week, I kept watching the online used ads and spotted an ad for a Wii, Wii Fit Plus with Balance Board, two nunchuks and two remotes.  She also lived five minutes from me and had purchased the extended warranty and provided me with the receipt!!  So happy!!!  The price was a big thing stopping me so used was the way to go.  I hooked it up on the weekend and giggled my way through the Kung Fu and the cycling obstacle course.  I read many reviews on Nutwiisystem (super clever name).  He does fantastic in depth reviews and has videos to go along with them so you have a really good idea of what you're getting into.  Upon recommendations from blog readers as well, I bought Just Dance 2 on my lunch break today and tried it as soon as I got home.  FUN!!! And by the end of the third song, I was sweating like pig glowing like a dancing queen.  My sister is coming over Wednesday night to play and she's very excited.  I'm not allowed to practice to much before she comes over, her rules, hahaha!  There are a couple other games I want but my birthday is next week and Christmas is nearly upon us so I'll keep myself sweaty and entertained with the games I have till then.

The view from my little front yard.

Oh, and I think I mentioned that I walked home from work a week ago Friday.  7 km and it took me an hour and five minutes.  Awesome workout and I really walked fast.  I wanted to keep that up but this is the weather we got over the weekend.  I have to wait about a week to walk again so that I know the sidewalks and paths will be clear.  I'm also heading to Canadian Tire on Friday to buy some crazy carpets for sledding.  There are two huge hills at the end of my street and I saw people sledding on it today after work.  Sliding down is fantastic fun and walking up is a great workout.  Win-Win!!

I was going to write about something else but I can't remember what it was and my eyes are about to slam shut.  I'm going to try to catch up on some blogs I follow and then lights out.

Good Night!!

To Wii or Not To Wii?

That is the question.  I have wanted a Wii forever.  Then when the Wii Fit with the Balance Board came out, I wanted one even more.  Yet I've never taken the plunge.  I like games.  I like car games, I love Tetris, I love Bejeweled, I think I would LOVE Dance Dance Revolution.  And I'm intrigued by the fitness games/programs that you can get as well.  I've read about people using the Wii for exercise on other blogs so I need some advice people.  If you have one and love it, please tell me why.  If you have/had one but just don't bother with it, let me know why not.

So I ask you: To Wii or Not To Wii?

Self-Esteem & Weigh-In Monday

Tonight at Weight Watchers I was down four pounds!  Yay!  Okay, so tracking works and works well.  So funny that I've lost weight on this program before and I understand inside and out how the program works yet it took me so long to really get down to it.  But now that I have YAY!!

I also mentioned at the end of the previous post that I was going to try walking home from work.  I did it on Friday and it was fantastic!  It 7 km and I really trucked it because I finished in an hour and 5 minutes.  My only complaint was that I was too hot and I wish I'd brought one of my running shirts to wear home.  Next time!  I would love to do this 2 - 3 times per week.  

I debated over whether or not to write about this but it's what I've been thinking about and I was half writing it in my head during the night so it's getting done.  I can always delete it right??  I think everyone has a least favorite body part.  It might not be evident to everyone else because we are always our own worst critic.  It might even seem ridiculous to everyone else.  For me, it's my (cringe) breasts.  No, I'm not kidding.  If I could fix one thing, that's what it would be.  They are too BIG!!  They make me uncomfortable and self-conscious.  They give me back pain and shoulder dents from my bra.  Speaking of bras, I have never had a really good fitting bra because they just don't carry them in stores.  I once went to a specialty shop and got measured and told my "actual size"(I will not print this).  I was pressured into ordering a bra that was $140.  Then I left and cried all the way home.  When they called to tell me the bra was in, I didn't go pick it up.  I thought it made me look massive and I didn't want a bra that made me look like that.  I can't wear button down shirts because if they fit in the middle, then the top buttons don't do up and if I buy a larger size to fit on top, then the waist is huge.  All of those cute tops with the umpire waist band?  Nope, can't wear them.  And it seems like this has been the style for a couple of years now.  I won't even talk about bathing suits because of the sheer ridiculousness of it.  I do everything I can to make them appear smaller.  I would love to get a breast reduction but the waiting list on that is 18 months to two years.  Hopefully 18 months and then I can squeeze it in before my sisters wedding.  

Anyhow, this one time, a big group of friends and acquaintances got together for some drinks, snacks and a slideshow of trip pictures.  As I'm being internally critical of all of the pictures of myself, one picture pops up on the screen and right away, I want the ground to swallow me up.  Something about the shirt or the way I was standing and half-turning to the camera made my chest look crazy big.  Then a guy in the group (who has I'm sure had a few drinks by now) says something about "no way there is a bra in this picture".  I'm not kidding.  This happened and it was only 2 years ago.  Right away I say that of course I'm wearing a bra and I know that there has not been one time ever that I have left the house without one.  He keeps on insisting that there is no way I'm wearing a bra.  His partner was across the room giving him the "shut the f*ck up" look that couples like to give each other.  He wasn't getting it.  I'm pretty sure I left in under ten minutes because I remember my face burning, my stomach turning, and the tears wanting to come out fast.  I grabbed the dishes and food I'd brought and peeled out making some excuse for why I was leaving.  I couldn't believe that the one thing that bothers me about my body, was the one thing that was pointed out.  It basically just validated everything horrible I already felt and made me feel like sh*t.  

Last Thursday I had to go shopping for something to wear to a banquet on Friday night.  Nothing in my closet fits and I really started feeling like I didn't want to go.  I really hate how feeling uncomfortable with myself or what I'm wearing stops me from going places.  I decided that it was time for something new to wear.  While I don't want to buy a lot of clothes right now, sometimes you just need a new outfit to get you over the hump.  I bought a pair of black pants that fit perfectly, a floral (sort of) top and a black cardigan, and a necklace to go with.  I felt pretty good in it and when I got to the banquet, I saw a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a long time.  I was told that I looked great, that I was as beautiful as ever, that I wasn't aging and I magically looked the same as always, that they loved my new hair cut and so on. 

At least a dozen fantastic compliments came my way and while it was wonderful, I am teflon when it comes to compliments.  They don't stick.  The negatives though, like the night of the slideshow, stick with me.  I need to really work on absorbing the compliments, hanging on to them, believing them.  And I really need to believe good things about myself without hearing them.  

Oh self-esteem, wherefore are thou??

Michelle :)

TAG!! You're It!

I was tagged by Stephanie at I'm My Favorite to answer a few questions.  The rules are that I answer the questions, pose four new questions, and tag four new people.  Here are my answers to Stephanie's questions:


1.  If you could tell your 16-year-old self one thing, what would it be?
This is easy because in my second last post I covered this question.  Copy and paste!  Here is one, to see more, go here.
*YOU ARE NOT FAT!!  STOP FRICKING CALLING YOURSELF FAT!  If anything, you may be too thin.


2.  Do you eat the skin of baked potatoes or just the insides?
I eat the skin.  I love it.  When I was a kid, my stepdad always told me that's where the vitamins were.  I have no idea if this is true.


3.  Once you hit goal, are you worried about gaining the weight back?  Why or why not?
Once I hit goal, I'm actually not worried about gaining the weight back.  I'm not concerned because I gained it back once before and have learned where I went wrong.  I'm also attacking losing weight differently this time.  I am using Weight Watchers again but this time instead of just being concerned about staying within my points, I'm also concerned about the quality of those points.  I'm also more focussed on activity this time around.


4.  What was your first job and was there a specific reason you took it?
My first job was pretty funny actually.  I was 13 and I took a job at the local rifle club.  I was the kid who sat up in the big ladder chair with the umbrella on top.  My job was to push the button to release the clay targets for the skeet shooting and then keep score of who hit what.  It was pretty fun and a couple of classmates worked there with me.  I took it because I was 13 and it paid $200 for a one week tournament.  It beat babysitting!


Now the hardest part of this is coming up with new questions.  I'm going to keep one because I like it.
1.  Once you hit goal, are you worried about gaining the weight back?  Why or why not?
2.  What is your favorite vegetable and how do you prepare it?  (this is selfish question for me because I need ideas).
3.  How does blogging help or hinder your weight loss efforts?
4.  What, if anything, are you giving yourself as a reward once you've reached goal?


These questions go to:
1.  Char @ Fat Hair Day
2.  Anna @ The Weight Lost Diaries
3.  Kimberlynn @ Minding My Weigh
4.  Sarah @ My F.A.B Challenge


I wasn't actually going to post tonight but decided I should get on it because I had these questions to answer and it's going to be a busy weekend.  I'm watching my friends two children for the weekend.  Thankfully, I don't have to go over till Saturday around lunch time so I'll be able to do my class at the Y. This week has been nearly null for exercise.  I think I've been fighting off a flu of sorts because I've been exhausted since Monday evening when I thought I had a fever.  I did get in two brisk walks though.  I'm hoping to actually walk home from work tomorrow.  It will be 7 km.  Well, that is, if I can get my act together tonight and pack my lunch, bag, running shoes and so on.  I make no promises!  If it's not tomorrow, it will be next week.  


Hope everyone is having a great week!


Michelle :)

Weigh-In Monday!

Happy Happy Joy Joy!!  After staying the same for a week and then last week's gain of 2 pounds, I was so pleased to be down . . . drum roll . . . SIX POUNDS!  Now I realize that last week, if I hadn't been so bloated and stressed out, I probably would have been down 2 pounds or so which is part of this six.  And I'm okay with that!!!  Over this past week, I credit tracking everything as the main thing I did right, really right.  And veggies, I've eaten lots of veggies.  Friday night I went out for dinner with a friend to Applebees.  I chose one of their "under 550 calorie" meals so I knew I wasn't going crazy and it was delicious.  I even shared a dessert and tracked it!!

Oh eTools, after all the trouble I had getting signed up and one more invalid access code sent to me, I am finally signed up!  I love it!!!  It's so motivating to put in activity and see the points add up.  I feel like I'm on a bit of a roll with the eating over the past week.  I made a Veggie Chili that is low in points and high on fibre, I added a can of mushrooms too.  I've been putting it on top of spaghetti squash for even more veggie pow and it's super filling.  Travels well for lunches too.  My biggest downfall is lunches.  I hate packing my lunch but buying my lunch adds pounds.  I love making breakfast on Saturday and Sunday too.  This past weekend I was sauteing mushrooms, onions, green pepper, sun-dried tomatoes, and some spinach and then added 4 egg whites to the scramble.  There was more veggie than eggs and lots of flavor.  Topped with 1/4 cup of shredded cheese and yum!!  Gotta have my cheese!  Putting a bit of cheese on everything really stops me from eating the whole block.  Because I can and have eaten a whole block before.   I only buy shredded cheese now.

I went to Barbell Blast on Wednesday and Saturday as usual and ran before the class.  I'm still short one to two runs per week though so I'm not progressing as I'd like too.  I need to increase my commitment to the gym from just the two days.  I'm proud of myself for sticking with Barbell both times that it is offered but I need more.  This week is going to be a challenge activity-wise.  I can go to the gym Tuesday, on Wednesday I will be missing Barbell Blast because it is our condo's annual general meeting (damn!), Thursday I can go to the gym, Friday I can't, Saturday I have to miss Barbell Blast again because I am babysitting a friend's kids for the whole weekend.  Challenge is right!!!  I bought Bob Harper's (Biggest Loser) Pure Burn Super Strength DVD (click the link to watch the trailer, eek!).  I watched it through and it's a lot like the Barbell class so I'm going to substitute it this week for my classes.

There's been lots of challenges running around the blogs these days and I'm reluctant to commit to a challenge that requires me to do something physical EVERY DAY.  I've tried and failed enough diets and plans and exercise programs to know that I won't do it.  I would rather commit to four times a week and end up doing it five or six rather than commit to seven and fail and be disappointed in myself.  That's just how I roll :)  So my challenge for myself this week is to continue to track everything I eat in eTools and to do Bob's Pure Burn Super Strength three times this week (in place of Barbell) and run three times this week.

Thanks everyone for all your comments, mentions, encouragement, and support!  It is so so appreciated!!

Michelle :)

Crazy-A$$ed Week

Okay, just so we're all clear on what's happened this week:
*My little sister, 13 years younger than me, got engaged. I am not.
*I showed up at the gym with no water bottle and two different shoes.
*I have tried not once, but twice, to sign up for Weight Watcher eTools, unsuccessfully. (see below)
*I have been stood up. (see below)
Add to this, a raging case of PMS and you have enough tears to put out any forest fires currently burning and leads me to ask WTF?!

eTools: I confessed that I am a Weight Watchers meeting attendee who does not actually track and just tracks my points in my head.  I love spreadsheets, charts, my Mac, and my BlackBerry and with the pro-eTools comments on that post I was excited to sign up.  Just like the website said, I faxed a copy of my weigh-in booklet, my info, and my Canadian postal code.  It says that it can take up to 7 days to receive your access code but that you'll likely get it within 2 - 3 days.  I waited impatiently and I got my code near the end of the 7th day.  They did warn me.  The link they gave me took me to the US site.  Naturally, that didn't work once I started entering my Canadian address.  I went to the Canadian site and tried the code "this access code is not valid".  Sigh.  I emailed back explaining that I was in Canada and was given a code for the US.  The following day I heard back with a new code.  "This access code is not valid".  Double sigh.  Now I've emailed her back again saying that I apologize for being such a pain and I'm pretty sure I'm not doing anything wrong but that this code is not valid as well.  If I don't hear back by lunch time tomorrow, I'm taking a long lunch and walking down to the head office to straighten this out.  Trouble is, I was pms-ing, already upset and was actually excited about eTools.  Seriously, I'm mostly a rational person and realize this sounds silly but during a week that feels like the big things are crumbling on top of me, I'd just like for the little things to work, you know?  That first day, I had the access code in my email, I decided to walk the 20 minutes home instead take my transfer bus just so I could enter the activity in when I got home and signed up.  Once the access was denied I didn't even want to go to the gym.  I went and did the run and the Barbell Blast.  So glad I did.  It significantly improved my mood.  I increased the weight I was lifting and the instructor was in a crazy mood and he cracked us up all through the class.  Such a long paragraph, all for eTools.

Next up, yes, I got stood up today.  My old Learn to Run clinic instructor who was also in my Half Marathon clinic over last winter contacted me and said she really missed me and wanted to get together soon.  I got back to her and we set up a date for today at 4:30 at Boston Pizza. (Don't worry, I'd already picked out the salad I was going to have)  I got a table, ordered a pint and then sipped it over the next 30 minutes while I waited.  Big Sigh.  I hate waiting.  Even more, I hate waiting at a table with two menus, two glasses of water, one beer and me.  All I can say is thank goodness that the pms broke yesterday or else I probably would have been a sniffling puddle while paying for my beer and leaving.

The Positives:  Yes, there are positives.
*After bawling my eyes out over my sister's engagement, I still did my run and my Barbell Blast class.
*After forgetting my water bottle and having two different shoes, I still did my run and my Barbell Blast class.
*I walked the 20 minutes home yesterday instead of taking my second bus.
*After not being able to sign up for eTools, I still did my run and my Barbell Blast class.
*While sitting in the lounge for 30 minutes by myself, I was self-conscious but I wasn't so uncomfortable that it was unbearable.
*After being stood up, I didn't shed one tear, I just went home and cracked a Bud Light Lime.
*Despite not being able to get into eTools, I have tracked everything for the last three days.  I will get into eTools dammut!
*Tomorrow night I have another dinner date with a friend and I'm going to give her a quick call to confirm. ( I paused here to call her, not only is she meeting me, she's excited about it!)

16 Year-Old Me

And finally, Chibi Jeebs wrote a post about tweeting your 16 year-old self.  Very intriguing thought.  I'm not a tweeter.  I have a twitter account.  I don't really get it.  I'm a one tweet wonder.  I admit it.  However, I will post what I would tweet to my 16 year-old self, if I tweeted.  :)
*YOU ARE NOT FAT!!  STOP FRICKING CALLING YOURSELF FAT!  If anything you may be too thin.
*I love you.  You don't love you, but I love you.
*You kick ass at math, calculus, physics & english and that is so damn cool, own it.
*You are not the parent.  Don't pressure yourself like you are.
*You will move out of your parents house and be self-sufficient really soon, so don't worry about it.
*Don't date men 10 years older than you till you're at least 25.
*Don't try to make everyone else happy so much, do what makes you happy.
*Ignore that a-hole pervy volleyball coach and keep on playing.

That's what I could think of off the top of my head.  Hehe - if I was tweeter, I could keep adding to this.

Thanks everyone for sticking with me through the dark week!!  Totally thought I'd lose blog followers but I gained three!  Whoop Whoop!  I'm not promising there won't be dark weeks ahead, see me in 28 days :)

OK, I'll Take the Gain

I'm up two pounds.  I'd rather take the gain now than spend the whole week trying to catch up just to stay the same.  I hate backpedalling!  Better off to register the gain now and treat tomorrow as a fresh start.

For the last few days, my eating has been unstoppable.  I need to climb out of the funk I'm in and I think some of it might actually be pms.  Hmmm . . . so at least this mood will alleviate slightly in a few days.  The rest of the funk is my life lately which really only bothers me some of the time but has been bothering me a lot over the last few days which again is magnified by the pms.  Oh woe is me!  What a rambling post, I apologize!

Mini-NSV - I actually nearly made it through Halloween without having any yummy bite-sized treats!  Nearly.  I only had two.  One bite-sized twix and one bite-sized snickers.  It was my neighbor's fault!!  Okay, it was my fault.  It actually happened because I convinced the neighbor in the condo across from me to creep up the stairs to the other neighbor across from me on the second floor and . . . steal her lit pumpkin for her own window.  Oh yes I did.  I had the best, biggest, deepest belly laugh watching her creep slowly up the stairs and then drop to the ground when the other neighbor came out and caught her.  Don't worry, I know both of these women.  But oh was it funny. I went over to visit for a bit and she had a bunch of leftover treats, I took two.  It was worth it though because I so needed the laugh.

Usually my posts are not so blah and I promise I will be back to my regularly scheduled programming shortly!  I'd also like to thank my wonderful newfound blogging community for the eHugs (haha - that's totally what I'm calling it now) and encouragement!

Again, tomorrow is a fresh start and I have a massage booked tomorrow evening.  Aaaahh :)

Michelle :)