Would You Call Yourself a Runner?

Near the finish of the Half

There's been a lot of talk out there lately from people who are starting out with running and say they wouldn't call themselves a runner. I haven't run in at least a month.  Maybe a little longer.  But honestly, I'd still call myself a runner.  I finished a half marathon at the end of February IN SNOW.  I did a 10 km in mid-May and tore the ligaments in my right ankle at the end of June.  That took me out of the running so to speak till October.  By then, I'd gained enough weight that the running had become more difficult than when I'd started.  Weight makes a difference.  It really does.  So to those ladies out there in blogland that are over 200 pounds and running, you are going to get better and better at it as the weight comes off, I can assure you.  I'm speaking from experience.  And I will run again.


Here are two quotes from what might be my favorite running book.  In fact, I think I loaned it to someone and don't have it back so I'm buying a new one.  The Courage to Start by John Bingham.  Bet they have it at your local library too.

Medal!

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years.  There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership to get.  You just run." -- John Bingham

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." -- John Bingham

It's been ages since I posted because of the busy season.  I will be back within a few days to do my New Years Resolutions and a challenge that I've taken for January.

Michelle  :)

I'm Excited (and a little insulted :)

I'll start with the insulted.  I'm not really, but I thought this was hilarious.  In case the text is too small in the picture, here's what it says.  To me, from amazon.com, subject line "Save on Bathroom Scales!" followed by a selection of bathroom scales that I could choose from. TOO FUNNY!!!  I had a problem with my scale this past Monday so I did go on amazon.com to see what scales can do these days but I had no idea I was automatically logged in or that they send emails based on what you'd looked at.  They should really have a list of words or terms that they just don't email out even if people have done a search on them. Ahahaha!

Me, 1977 I think.

Next up, I'm excited!  I'm excited for Christmas.  For those that know me personally, they know that this is probably the first year I've said that since I was about 10.  Seriously.  So that's a new feeling.  My sister came by and dropped off all her wrapped presents for everyone under the tree and I put mine under there and my mom came to town last night and brought hers over.  Normally, I wouldn't be excited about the presents but this year it was different than others.  This year, instead of exchanging gift cards, my siblings and I actually went shopping and tried to think of things that the other would want so the fact that there are actually wrapped boxes under the tree and I DON'T KNOW what they are is kind of killing me.  I confess to actually checking the wrapping job on one to see if I could get at it and rewrap it!!  I can't.  And as far as my mom visiting...she took my sister and I out for dinner, we came to my place after and visited for a bit and then she left.  I survived, unscathed.  It was quite awkward at times.  But I survived.  I would have much more to say but I really am paranoid about her finding this blog by some weird fluke.  I will just share on thing as it pertains to this weight loss blog.  She is QUITE critical of people who overweight.  We were sitting at a table and a woman who was overweight (more than me even) walked by wearing a ruffly black dress with spaghetti straps and her hair and makeup all done and great heels.  My first thought when I looked at her was "DAMN! She looks so good.  I'm not that brave.  I bet that dress would look awful on me."  I saw my mom watching her.  Then my sister looked at me and whispered "wait for it..."  As soon as the woman got past our table, my mom started talking about her, how can she wear that dress, she shouldn't be wearing spaghetti straps because you can see her bra straps, etc.  It went on for a couple minutes.  I simply said "well, I'm envious, because I'm not brave enough to try on a dress like that, good for her".  Then I changed the subject.  Although I wondered what my mother would think of me if she didn't know me.

The next thing I'm excited for is the new year.  I've only been blogging for a few months so I wasn't around for last New Year's.  But I'm imagining that the blog posts blow up with New Year's themed posts.  Challenges, resolutions, plans oh my!!!  I can't wait.  I love making New Year's Resolutions.  I don't know why.  I love new calendars, lists, new plans and I'm excited to see everyone else's.  I've also seen plenty of challenges that have been year-long challenges that I came in on too late so I'd love to be in it from the beginning.

That's it for now!!

Michelle

ps.  So far I've watched It's a Wonderful Life (in the theatre!), Elf, Charlie Brown Christmas, and Miracle on 34th Street.  I cannot begin to explain how unlike me this is!!!  That's actually the first time I've ever seen It's a Wonderful Life.

Weigh-Off Monday & Public Transportation Hates Me & AN AWARD!

You know those days when your alarm goes off and you open your eyes and think "I should really just stay here".  You lay there for another couple minutes contemplating a sick day before dragging yourself out of bed.  That was me today and it did not get better from there.

I weighed in right after I got up.  I stepped on the scale.  The scale said "L".  I get off the scale and do it again.  "L".  I'm hoping "L" stands for "low battery" and not "loser".  I'm going to just register today as staying the same because I don't feel lighter or heavier and I didn't have a particularly good or bad week.  So I'm going to take the damn thing apart and see what kind of battery it takes.  Or I could blow some unnecessary cash and buy a cool scale.  Hmmmm.

Let me just tell you that it was -38 C this morning when I left to catch the bus.  Keep that in mind.  Brrrrrr.  I got my butt out of bed an hour later than usual.  Not a whole lot of people would be in the office today so I knew it wouldn't be a bit deal.  I got myself ready and then checked the bus schedule online as soon as I was ready to get out the door.  As luck would have it, there's a bus in a few minutes.  This is what the schedule showed, I'm going for the 7:44 bus.  I get bundled up like crazy.  Nice long North Face warm jacket, toque, face covering, big mitts, and my Columbia boots that are rated to -32 C.  Yes, it's -38 C currently but hey, I'll only be out there for a few minutes right?  Yeah, right.  I'm the first one at the stop and over the next two minutes six more people join me.  And we wait.  Then we wait some more.  Ten minutes after the bus was to be there, a bus rounds the corner, we're smiling at each other and chuckling, pretending we weren't really worried.  The bus comes closer and we see that it's a School Charter.  Two people leave the stop.  We wait some more.  I pull out my cell phone and call the number on the bus sign to see when the next one is.  The machine tells me 8:09.  It comes at 8:12.  By the time the bus came, there were only three of us left.  The three that looked like they could rob a bank in an igloo and never be identified.  The kids in the thin jackets lasted 5 minutes.  So we waited 30 minutes in that cold.  My toes actually hurt when I got to work and took my boots off.  Then I look up the transit site again, completely pissed off because online, they are supposed to register what busses have delays etc.  This is what it looked like when I got to work.  Now what good does updating it after the fact do the poor people who were freezing out there!!

My luck with public transportation was not any better on the way home.  I grabbed my first bus just in time only to get to my transfer point in time to see the rear end of my second bus through a cloud of exhaust.  Sigh.  Thankfully, it's right at the end of a grocery store parking lot so I ran in there and spent $8 on fruits and veggies just to stay warm until the next bus came.  Now I'm on the sofa in flannel pj's and fuzzy socks sipping a mug of hot chocolate in the light of my Christmas tree and fireplace.  No, I don't care that it is only 7 pm.  :)  See picture to the left.  I love how my cat George got his head in there.  Haha!  And I love my Charlie Brown tree to the left.

I ALMOST FORGOT!!  I was just about to finish this post when I realized that I forgot about my very FIRST award!!  Given to me by Katie @ Finding the Thin Within, very exciting.  This is very cool because I have really enjoyed this blogging thing and honestly didn't think I would stick with it this long.  I credit a lot of that to the wonderful people following and commenting!  No one has ever made me feel bad, lazy, or lame on a bad week and quite the opposite actually.  Thank you!!  I am charged with passing this award to five other bloggers so without further ado, in no particular order . . . oh and it didn't say that I had to tell them why I chose them, but I wanted to.

1.  Kimberlynn @ Minding My Weigh - because she's so damn nice, you can just tell.  :)  And wonderfully supportive.
2.  Daisygirl @ A Future Success Story - because I'm pretty sure we are related somehow and she is a wicked meal planner which has helped me immensely.
3.  TJ @ tj's test kitchen - because she is so creative with food and shares it with all of us and because she is brave beyond belief.
4.  Stephanie @ I'm My Favorite - because she's honest, she posts pictures, and one day in particular, she got me off my butt.  And she makes me want to try Zumba.  Bad.
5.  Stephanie @ Fit Mom in Training - because she's a real life treasured friend and her motivation and fitness level is staggering.  Seriously, I know her!!  She has a baby boy that is so cute, you could eat him.  You really could.  And if you're looking to be challenged, she's your girl.

Well, I'm off to notify my awardees and catch up on some blog posts and a refill of the hot chocolate is in order.  My public transportation woes & toes are far behind now.  :)

Michelle

Weigh-In Monday - Just as I Suspected!!

Well, I kind of knew that last weeks 2 pound loss was 2 good 2 be true!  I was stressed out and I wasn't eating well so to have 2 pounds gone was surprising. Not surprising however, was the return of those 2 pounds today.  Gee, like long lost high school classmates that you never wanted to see again.  Oh gee, hi, yeah you look great.  Get lost!!  Haha!

I love this picture.  Love it.  I want to make it into a poster or find one.  I am clearly the rhino in this situation but this picture hit me on a deeper level than just funny.  Wait, why are you laughing?  Yes I do have a deeper level!! :)  Just like the rhino is attempting to run her ass off while looking at a unicorn, I attempt to run my ass off while looking at magazines.  Whether it is Shape, Fit, Fitness, or Oxygen, I look at those women as ideal and perfect.  The thing to be.  And just like the unicorn, they don't really exist either.  At least not as they are portrayed.  They have been tanned and primped and lighted.  They've had makeup and hair done.  Strategic paint sprayed to add emphasis to abs.  And that's before the airbrushing and photoshop.  So while I have no doubt that they are fit and they do work hard, they still aren't as perfect as they look.  So from here on in, I'm not idolizing the unicorn anymore.  My new motivation is going to be photos of myself from two and three years ago. My other motivations are going to be the before and after pictures of success stories in those magazines, not the models.  Yet another motivation will be the before and during and after shots of other men and women in the blogging community.  There are men in the blogging community right??  Ahahahaha!! These two pictures of myself will be my motivation.  I believe I fluctuated between 160 & 165 here.  I remember feeling really good at this weight mostly because I was comfortable, not very self-conscious, and clothes fit!!!  By comparison, I can also see how much weight I can carry in my face too.  Wowsers.

Next up, PointsPlus Fail.  I was so excited to hit up my meeting tonight and get all the new goods.  I've just been tracking and weighing on eTools.  I showed up there and noticed that the line was moving really quickly and then as I get closer I realize that no one seems to be handing over more cash or getting anything in return and the cookbooks they have displayed are the ones I always saw there or already have.  My excitement starts to wane.  Now it's my turn, I go up and ask if they are starting the PointsPlus tonight.  Nope.  I ask when and she says December 20th or January.  Excitement dead.  Everything I read everywhere said it was starting December 6 in Canada and eTools on the Canadian site started tonight.  Thankfully knowing enough about Weight Watchers, I can muddle my way through it for now but it blows to not have any materials to read or a calculator to use.  I will just have to be near a computer before I decide to eat something.  Oh wait, I'm on a computer all day at work and most of the evening at home.  Hahaha!  Well look, I just wanted the new stuff okay!  I have since sent an email to customer service asking what date they are planning to launch because I don't really want to waste another trip.  I didn't stay for the meeting because I wasn't going to pay $15 to be told I'm up 2 pounds and no new fun stuff to show for it.  As I was leaving, I was so wanting to just hit a drive thru because that's my thing when I'm disappointed, sad, mad, happy, hurt, breathing.  I was so close.  Then I didn't.  HUGE NON-SCALE VICTORY! I made a meal plan yesterday and even a bit of meal and snack prep.  My chicken breast is in the oven as I type.  :)

Activity Victory -- I walked home from work today.  7 kms.  It took me an hour and five minutes.  It was really good.  The sidewalks got tricky in two places where I had to climb a little snowbank and it got a little bit colder as I got closer to home because it started to get darker.  But other than that, it was awesome and I'm going to do it again tomorrow!!

Gotta go put the veggies on!!  Oh, and does the WW PointsPlus logo remind anyone else of birth control??  Seriously, I have no idea why but every time I look at it, I think birth control.  

Ta ta for now!

Michelle

ps.  I'm watching Julie & Julia right now and it just came to the part where she gets her first comment on her blog and she is so excited and then she sees that it's her mother "I still don't know why you're doing this, I appear to be your only reader."  AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!  I think that is sooooo much funnier now that I have a blog!!!  I love comments so I understand her excitement and subsequent disappointment.

Let's Getter Done!

The most effective way to do it is to do it. -- Amelia Earhart.

I love that quote from Amelia Earhart.  Dude, that's deep :)  And it's fitting for everything I've been thinking about.  Today I was thinking about how many times I've just been sitting here thinking "geez, just do it already".  These thoughts turned into how clever Nike's "Just do It" is.  I would love to have been a fly on the wall in that room when they were knocking around ideas and landed on that one.  It really is genius.  Anyone have any favorite quotes or slogans?  I'm tempted to cover my condo in them.  Seriously, if it will get me going, I will!!


I'm applying the "just do it" to the 30-Day Shred.  Sarah just posted tonight that she is starting 30-Day Shred tomorrow (it's so late right now that tomorrow is today) so I've decided that it's a great idea and I'm going to do it too.  It might get a little dicey the closer it gets to Christmas and free time isn't as free but I'll worry about that when I get to it.  I'm also going to walk home from work a few times this week.  Yes, it will be cold, but I can take it.  Yes, it has snowed over 60 cm in the last week and a half but I've got good boots and they were made for walking.  If I stick to the major routes, the sidewalks should definitely be cleared.  If I run into an area that's not, I can take the bus home from there.

The other "just do it" of my week will be Weight Watchers.  I've just been using eTools which prompts me for my weigh-in each week which I've been doing at home.  It's actually been going well so to save money, I was just going to keep that up until after Christmas.  That was the plan until WW decided to launch a new program.  I've been reading a lot about it and it seems really good.  To be using a program that further encourages me to make great choices will be fantastic.  It launches here in Canada this week I believe so I'm going to go to my regular location so I can get the materials and buy my little calculator.  I wasn't going to but I realized that eTools is likely going to adjust to the new plan as well and I would be lost if I didn't go to the meeting.    At first, I was annoyed with the new program because I can look at a food label and make an educated guesstimate of the points per serving,  I will have to recalculate recipes, and I'm wondering how much of their old cookbooks etc have just been rendered "pointless", haha!  A little lame WW humor for you.  But then I changed my tune because I realized that a fresh program will force me to be calculating things more accurately and I remember how excited I was and how closely I paid attention when I was a new member.

Well, I'm going to stop here because I am up waaaaay too late.  Guess I should still be working on getting to bed at a reasonable time before I end up buying P90X or Sheer Cover Mineral Makeup.  Bahaha!

Ten Days of Blogging Absence

I was going to post about what's been going on and then decided against it because I thought it really didn't have anything to with weight loss so why post it on a weight loss blog?   I thought about it again today.  Maybe for a lot of people these things wouldn't have anything to do with weight loss, but for me it does.  It so does.

Essentially what's been happening is family drama.  My family has no shortage of drama.  I would need more than a movie, more than a miniseries.  We'd need a prime time drama slot at 8 pm with a spinoff at 9 pm in the second season just to cover the latest marriage and ensuing drama.  From an outsiders view, I'm the normal one.  From my friends I hear "how did you turn out okay?" "how are you so normal?".  Yet from the inside, I'm sort of the black sheep I think.

The Cliff Notes version:  Essentially, an affair tore the family apart 12 years ago and no one has really been the same.  I haven't really spoken to my mother in about as long.  Our last actual phone conversation went like this a few days before my birthday 12 years ago:
Her: well, what are you doing for Christmas?
Me: I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it.
Her: She slammed the phone down.  Back in the day when you could still slam a phone down, hahaha!!

I never heard from her on my birthday or for Christmas.  Thankfully, I've had AMAZING people in my life.  AMAZING.  I could cry right now just thinking about how amazing.  I have only spent one Christmas Day alone and that was my choice.  I really just wanted to.  Anyhow, I digress.  The current drama happening is a result of my little sister's engagement.  I got a facebook message from my mother asking if I was open to a reconciliation.  I replied saying that I was and that I have been for a long time.  I don't want things to be uncomfortable any more than she does at this wedding.  I would never ever ever cause a scene or make things awful for my sister so it would have been okay anyway but it would be better if we were on speaking terms.  We have tried in the past twice to fix this thing but she actually stood me up twice (which she denies but everyone else remembers).  And things quickly went off the rails again.  I've actually felt okay about not having a relationship with her because I've never felt like there was something more I could do.  I've put myself out there over and over and I keep getting burned because she is still the same person.  I don't what it is that I don't get but every single time I get burned, I'm shocked.  Why???  Why am I shocked???  So I'm back in this place again and realizing that she hasn't changed a bit.

She was excited that I was open to a reconciliation and right away talk started of the wedding and how expensive it will be and how she wishes she would do a destination wedding because most family members have to travel.  It's kind of funny that we agree on a lot regarding my little sister's financial situation and wedding plans.  We haven't talked about anything important or what caused the massive wedge in the first place.  We haven't because in the past, that's where everything goes to hell fast.  She still denies any and all wrongdoing and the rest of are still waiting for an acknowledgement that her decisions seriously hurt and altered everyone and everything.  Because of this, I've decided that for the sake of my sister and my sanity, I will simply have a very light and surfacy (not a word I know) relationship.  I will talk about nothing that it is important to me and nothing that I want to keep safe.  Thank goodness she lives 1000 kms away.

This reconciliation is about 3 weeks in the making now.  And the hurt is already starting.  She sent me a birthday card with $50, she told me she was buying me a Kindle for Christmas, and then she starts talking about me behind my back to my sisters.  Say whaaaat???  Nice fricking attempt, Mom.  The current situation being that she never invited my little brother & sister for Christmas so they had nothing to do.  I invited them to my place and said we'd do a whole crazy fun Christmas just the way we want to do it.  Big meal with just the stuff we want, the tree is up, I have stockings on the mantle for them, I've got crazy carpets for sledding on the hill by place, a Wii for the games, a DVD of the old school Christmas classic cartoons, and hideously ugly Christmas vests so we can take deliberately bad family photos.  The kids are both so excited and my sister's fiance is going to come too and he is equally as excited.  When my mom caught wind of this, she says "well, why can't you do that here?"  Here, being 1000 km's away.  In another country.  Three and a half weeks before Christmas when neither of them have time to book enough time off work to make the trip.  Now she's miffed that I'm somehow replacing her and we are back to square one.  How can I steal Christmas from her when she didn't plan one or invite them in the first place??  She constantly competes with me instead of supporting me.  If I was a mom and I lived far away from my children, I think I would be thrilled if one of the kids stepped up and brought everyone together for Christmas.  I really would be.  I have no idea why she's not.  I just have to say that I am so glad she lives so far away.  I hope she never moves back and I hope she never finds this blog!!!  Ahaha!  As I'm typing this I'm thinking that there is no way she would stumble across a weight loss blog of mine when only 4 people I know personally actually know about this blog and none of them talk to my mother.  Anyhow, at this point, under normal circumstances I would be ready to call it quits again because considering the jabs have already started just three weeks in, they aren't going to stop and I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to deal with it yet.  But these aren't normal circumstances.  I still have my sister's wedding to contend with which is what prompted the whole thing in the first place.  Oh, and there's Kindle on the line.  Bahahaha!!  So really, I'm stuck in this and I have to figure out a way to tolerate and survive having someone hurtful in my life.

So my plan of attack is to go to my doctor and get a prescription for an anti-depressant that I used to be on.  Just to help me over the hump of the next few months hopefully.  I haven't been sleeping because I can't shut my thoughts off.  I need to feel more in control than I do right now, which is why what is happening has everything to do with weight loss for me.  I've been to distracted by emails, facebook messages, and texts concerning all of this to concentrate on myself.  I haven't tracked or worked out or really prepared meals.  That's why I'm so amazed I managed a two pound weight loss.  Next up, keep thing going the way they are with my mother.  Keep it light, don't let her in too much because then there isn't anything close to me that she can use against me.

I took tomorrow off of work.  Thank goodness!!  I am so exhausted that there is no way I could have gotten up early again tomorrow.  My plan over the next couple of days is to clean up all the Christmas everywhere.  We just put up the tree so the remnants of all the boxes and tissue and other stuff is everywhere.  Laundry, normal housekeeping etc.  I'm going to make a meal plan and an exercise plan for the next week.  And every time I start thinking about how hard this all is, I'm going to put Just Dance 2 on the Wii.  That game requires your energy and your concentration so there's no way I could keep thinking about the bad stuff when I'm trying to keep up with the moves on Tik Tok.

So that's it in a nutshell.  Sorry if it's an overshare but it feels good to get some of it out and I can move forward from here in this little weight loss journey of mine.

Ta ta for now.  :)

Weigh-In, Good News, Bad News (short post)

I apologize right now for it being this long since my last post.  I've tried to be consistent in posting 2 - 3 times per week but it just wasn't going to happen in the last nearly 10 days.  Sorry!!  I will post more about the last week and a half either tomorrow or Friday.  And reply to comments!

First, weigh-in.  I was 209.0, down 2 pounds!!  I don't feel I necessarily worked for those 2 pounds but I will take it for every other time that I did work and the scale was not in my favor!  We all know those weeks.  I weighed in at home.  Because I'm actually a lifetime member at WW, I can get away with just paying for the weeks I go.  With it being so close to Christmas, I could really use the $15 fee elsewhere.  I'm still loving eTools!  I've been hearing all this stuff about the new WW Points Plus program as well.  I believe it rolls out in Canada on December 6 and will likely start reflecting the new values on my eTools then as well.  I'll go back to WW in mid-January to get more specifics on the program.

So the bad news -- "Spinster" is actually on wikipedia.  Seriously.  Short version, "unmarried woman, aged 38 or over" and something about being "past the conventional age for marrying".  Umm...OUCH.   I had no idea there was an age for a spinster so I'm going to stop calling myself that immediately!!!  Why am I talking about spinsters??  Because I thought I was one.  I just "celebrated", okay, yes, I celebrated my 37th birthday a couple days ago so I should not be calling myself a spinster just yet!!  Hehe - that's the good news, I'm not technically a spinster.

My 4th Birthday.  I know you're all crazy jealous of my Ronald McDonald slippers.

Besides, I can't be a spinster yet, I only have one cat!!  He's pretty fantastic though.  This is George Catstanza.  He's waiting for me to get out of bed.  After my alarm goes off, he will lay beside me and just look at me until I get up.  If I hit snooze, he moves a little closer and when I hit snooze again, he meows right in my face.  He's my back up alarm clock.

One more quick thing, I've had a couple requests for an email address and it never occurred to me to just create a secondary address on my internet account so now my blogging email address is: chubbygirl@shaw.ca  Gee, I can't believe "chubbygirl" as a username was still available!  Ahahaha!!

Till tomorrow friends :)