It's also known as Saturday. Friday night is what got the ball rolling though. I have a sister that is 13 years younger than me. We're very close. Since the day she was born, I was a little mother and that never really changed. Our mom moved away when my sister was just 15 so the mothering continued. She's just shy of 24 now and she got engaged last night. After the congratulations and the Facebook status update and the picture of the ring, things started to fall apart. As she got older, this was always my greatest fear. That she be getting married and I'm still not. And here we are, she's nearly 24 and engaged and I'm nearly 37 and NOT. Open the floodgates. Pretty sure I cried myself to sleep.
My alarm went off to go to the gym for a run and Barbell Blast class and I didn't want to move. I hit snooze a few times which shortened the time I have to run and got up. I got ready to leave and then walked out the door and saw the results of our first snow. I wanted to go back inside and go back to bed. I finished scraping off the car and left. I get into the gym changeroom and realize that I've forgotten my water bottle. I hadn't changed yet so I just wanted to leave but didn't want to walk past the Y employees at the front desk who had just scanned me in. I get dressed and at that point realize that I have two different running shoes. Same-looking shoes but one has run for a year and a half and one has not. I almost cried. No water and two different shoes?? Really?? I put on my two different shoes, bought a bottle of water and went up to the treadmills. I am proud of myself for going to the gym and doing my Saturday morning run and class but not so proud of what followed.
I got home from the gym, still tired from the sleep, puffy from the cry, and exhausted from the workout. I dove headfirst into tortilla chips and guacamole hummus. I didn't have tortilla chips in the condo but I do live 100 feet from a convenience store. I walked in there to get eggs but I got eggs and tortilla chips. Then I finished up with some jelly bellies and then crawled into bed and slept for 4 hours. Now I feel awful in more ways than one.
The silver lining is that I actually went to the gym today and sweat like crazy and I have no weigh-in on Monday (because of a cooking class) so hopefully I can repair the damage by the following Monday. I'll have the eTools code in the next couple of days. Sleep, tracking, water, and exercise and going to be the keys for me for the next week to be successful. I have the new motivator of not being the fat, 37 year-old spinster sister of the bride. Sigh.
Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. It's awful to be in a place where you feel bad and you know you *shouldn't* and then the subsequent guilt makes you feel even worse. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteYou get a great, big gold star for staying at the gym - SO proud of you! Sending you big, fat, squooshy bewbie hugs and extra love.
xoxo
Oh my gosh! I teared up just reading this.. because I feel the same way about younger girls I know getting married before me.. I found your blog through the Blog Hop and I'm glad I did.. It'll be nice to see how you've gotten through WW without getting bored with food..
ReplyDeleteGood luck in the next week and I look forward to reading more of your blog! :)
Oh Michelle...If I could I'd give you a great big hug. And then I'd tell you that everything will be okay. I don't know how, but it will. If it makes you feel any better at all, I turned to a bag of chips today when I got angry about something. It's the first time I've done that in over five months!!! Thankfully, I exercised so I'm feeling somewhat better. Just hang in there, because you know what? You're beautiful and smart and have so much to offer.
ReplyDeleteOh, I almost forgot...I have that book. It's one of my absolute favorites. I colored in mine when I was a child. My children get such a kick out of seeing it. I'm passing it on to them.
ReplyDeleteEven though I love love love being single, if I had a much younger sister who got engaged, I think I would be all wigged out too. There's just so much pressure on women to marry, and so much celebration of marriage, that those of us who don't can't help but sometimes feel invalidated in some of our life choices--and when it's all in your face like with an engagement--parties! facebook updates! Presents! dresses! flowers! gumdrops! bunnies!! (oh wait that's Easter)--it's really hard.
ReplyDeleteI think if my two-years-younger sister got engaged, even though I'd be happy for her and not necessarily want a groom for myself, I'd still have a lot of emotional swings.
Christina