Would You Call Yourself a Runner?

Near the finish of the Half

There's been a lot of talk out there lately from people who are starting out with running and say they wouldn't call themselves a runner. I haven't run in at least a month.  Maybe a little longer.  But honestly, I'd still call myself a runner.  I finished a half marathon at the end of February IN SNOW.  I did a 10 km in mid-May and tore the ligaments in my right ankle at the end of June.  That took me out of the running so to speak till October.  By then, I'd gained enough weight that the running had become more difficult than when I'd started.  Weight makes a difference.  It really does.  So to those ladies out there in blogland that are over 200 pounds and running, you are going to get better and better at it as the weight comes off, I can assure you.  I'm speaking from experience.  And I will run again.


Here are two quotes from what might be my favorite running book.  In fact, I think I loaned it to someone and don't have it back so I'm buying a new one.  The Courage to Start by John Bingham.  Bet they have it at your local library too.

Medal!

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years.  There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership to get.  You just run." -- John Bingham

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." -- John Bingham

It's been ages since I posted because of the busy season.  I will be back within a few days to do my New Years Resolutions and a challenge that I've taken for January.

Michelle  :)

I'm Excited (and a little insulted :)

I'll start with the insulted.  I'm not really, but I thought this was hilarious.  In case the text is too small in the picture, here's what it says.  To me, from amazon.com, subject line "Save on Bathroom Scales!" followed by a selection of bathroom scales that I could choose from. TOO FUNNY!!!  I had a problem with my scale this past Monday so I did go on amazon.com to see what scales can do these days but I had no idea I was automatically logged in or that they send emails based on what you'd looked at.  They should really have a list of words or terms that they just don't email out even if people have done a search on them. Ahahaha!

Me, 1977 I think.

Next up, I'm excited!  I'm excited for Christmas.  For those that know me personally, they know that this is probably the first year I've said that since I was about 10.  Seriously.  So that's a new feeling.  My sister came by and dropped off all her wrapped presents for everyone under the tree and I put mine under there and my mom came to town last night and brought hers over.  Normally, I wouldn't be excited about the presents but this year it was different than others.  This year, instead of exchanging gift cards, my siblings and I actually went shopping and tried to think of things that the other would want so the fact that there are actually wrapped boxes under the tree and I DON'T KNOW what they are is kind of killing me.  I confess to actually checking the wrapping job on one to see if I could get at it and rewrap it!!  I can't.  And as far as my mom visiting...she took my sister and I out for dinner, we came to my place after and visited for a bit and then she left.  I survived, unscathed.  It was quite awkward at times.  But I survived.  I would have much more to say but I really am paranoid about her finding this blog by some weird fluke.  I will just share on thing as it pertains to this weight loss blog.  She is QUITE critical of people who overweight.  We were sitting at a table and a woman who was overweight (more than me even) walked by wearing a ruffly black dress with spaghetti straps and her hair and makeup all done and great heels.  My first thought when I looked at her was "DAMN! She looks so good.  I'm not that brave.  I bet that dress would look awful on me."  I saw my mom watching her.  Then my sister looked at me and whispered "wait for it..."  As soon as the woman got past our table, my mom started talking about her, how can she wear that dress, she shouldn't be wearing spaghetti straps because you can see her bra straps, etc.  It went on for a couple minutes.  I simply said "well, I'm envious, because I'm not brave enough to try on a dress like that, good for her".  Then I changed the subject.  Although I wondered what my mother would think of me if she didn't know me.

The next thing I'm excited for is the new year.  I've only been blogging for a few months so I wasn't around for last New Year's.  But I'm imagining that the blog posts blow up with New Year's themed posts.  Challenges, resolutions, plans oh my!!!  I can't wait.  I love making New Year's Resolutions.  I don't know why.  I love new calendars, lists, new plans and I'm excited to see everyone else's.  I've also seen plenty of challenges that have been year-long challenges that I came in on too late so I'd love to be in it from the beginning.

That's it for now!!

Michelle

ps.  So far I've watched It's a Wonderful Life (in the theatre!), Elf, Charlie Brown Christmas, and Miracle on 34th Street.  I cannot begin to explain how unlike me this is!!!  That's actually the first time I've ever seen It's a Wonderful Life.

Weigh-Off Monday & Public Transportation Hates Me & AN AWARD!

You know those days when your alarm goes off and you open your eyes and think "I should really just stay here".  You lay there for another couple minutes contemplating a sick day before dragging yourself out of bed.  That was me today and it did not get better from there.

I weighed in right after I got up.  I stepped on the scale.  The scale said "L".  I get off the scale and do it again.  "L".  I'm hoping "L" stands for "low battery" and not "loser".  I'm going to just register today as staying the same because I don't feel lighter or heavier and I didn't have a particularly good or bad week.  So I'm going to take the damn thing apart and see what kind of battery it takes.  Or I could blow some unnecessary cash and buy a cool scale.  Hmmmm.

Let me just tell you that it was -38 C this morning when I left to catch the bus.  Keep that in mind.  Brrrrrr.  I got my butt out of bed an hour later than usual.  Not a whole lot of people would be in the office today so I knew it wouldn't be a bit deal.  I got myself ready and then checked the bus schedule online as soon as I was ready to get out the door.  As luck would have it, there's a bus in a few minutes.  This is what the schedule showed, I'm going for the 7:44 bus.  I get bundled up like crazy.  Nice long North Face warm jacket, toque, face covering, big mitts, and my Columbia boots that are rated to -32 C.  Yes, it's -38 C currently but hey, I'll only be out there for a few minutes right?  Yeah, right.  I'm the first one at the stop and over the next two minutes six more people join me.  And we wait.  Then we wait some more.  Ten minutes after the bus was to be there, a bus rounds the corner, we're smiling at each other and chuckling, pretending we weren't really worried.  The bus comes closer and we see that it's a School Charter.  Two people leave the stop.  We wait some more.  I pull out my cell phone and call the number on the bus sign to see when the next one is.  The machine tells me 8:09.  It comes at 8:12.  By the time the bus came, there were only three of us left.  The three that looked like they could rob a bank in an igloo and never be identified.  The kids in the thin jackets lasted 5 minutes.  So we waited 30 minutes in that cold.  My toes actually hurt when I got to work and took my boots off.  Then I look up the transit site again, completely pissed off because online, they are supposed to register what busses have delays etc.  This is what it looked like when I got to work.  Now what good does updating it after the fact do the poor people who were freezing out there!!

My luck with public transportation was not any better on the way home.  I grabbed my first bus just in time only to get to my transfer point in time to see the rear end of my second bus through a cloud of exhaust.  Sigh.  Thankfully, it's right at the end of a grocery store parking lot so I ran in there and spent $8 on fruits and veggies just to stay warm until the next bus came.  Now I'm on the sofa in flannel pj's and fuzzy socks sipping a mug of hot chocolate in the light of my Christmas tree and fireplace.  No, I don't care that it is only 7 pm.  :)  See picture to the left.  I love how my cat George got his head in there.  Haha!  And I love my Charlie Brown tree to the left.

I ALMOST FORGOT!!  I was just about to finish this post when I realized that I forgot about my very FIRST award!!  Given to me by Katie @ Finding the Thin Within, very exciting.  This is very cool because I have really enjoyed this blogging thing and honestly didn't think I would stick with it this long.  I credit a lot of that to the wonderful people following and commenting!  No one has ever made me feel bad, lazy, or lame on a bad week and quite the opposite actually.  Thank you!!  I am charged with passing this award to five other bloggers so without further ado, in no particular order . . . oh and it didn't say that I had to tell them why I chose them, but I wanted to.

1.  Kimberlynn @ Minding My Weigh - because she's so damn nice, you can just tell.  :)  And wonderfully supportive.
2.  Daisygirl @ A Future Success Story - because I'm pretty sure we are related somehow and she is a wicked meal planner which has helped me immensely.
3.  TJ @ tj's test kitchen - because she is so creative with food and shares it with all of us and because she is brave beyond belief.
4.  Stephanie @ I'm My Favorite - because she's honest, she posts pictures, and one day in particular, she got me off my butt.  And she makes me want to try Zumba.  Bad.
5.  Stephanie @ Fit Mom in Training - because she's a real life treasured friend and her motivation and fitness level is staggering.  Seriously, I know her!!  She has a baby boy that is so cute, you could eat him.  You really could.  And if you're looking to be challenged, she's your girl.

Well, I'm off to notify my awardees and catch up on some blog posts and a refill of the hot chocolate is in order.  My public transportation woes & toes are far behind now.  :)

Michelle

Weigh-In Monday - Just as I Suspected!!

Well, I kind of knew that last weeks 2 pound loss was 2 good 2 be true!  I was stressed out and I wasn't eating well so to have 2 pounds gone was surprising. Not surprising however, was the return of those 2 pounds today.  Gee, like long lost high school classmates that you never wanted to see again.  Oh gee, hi, yeah you look great.  Get lost!!  Haha!

I love this picture.  Love it.  I want to make it into a poster or find one.  I am clearly the rhino in this situation but this picture hit me on a deeper level than just funny.  Wait, why are you laughing?  Yes I do have a deeper level!! :)  Just like the rhino is attempting to run her ass off while looking at a unicorn, I attempt to run my ass off while looking at magazines.  Whether it is Shape, Fit, Fitness, or Oxygen, I look at those women as ideal and perfect.  The thing to be.  And just like the unicorn, they don't really exist either.  At least not as they are portrayed.  They have been tanned and primped and lighted.  They've had makeup and hair done.  Strategic paint sprayed to add emphasis to abs.  And that's before the airbrushing and photoshop.  So while I have no doubt that they are fit and they do work hard, they still aren't as perfect as they look.  So from here on in, I'm not idolizing the unicorn anymore.  My new motivation is going to be photos of myself from two and three years ago. My other motivations are going to be the before and after pictures of success stories in those magazines, not the models.  Yet another motivation will be the before and during and after shots of other men and women in the blogging community.  There are men in the blogging community right??  Ahahahaha!! These two pictures of myself will be my motivation.  I believe I fluctuated between 160 & 165 here.  I remember feeling really good at this weight mostly because I was comfortable, not very self-conscious, and clothes fit!!!  By comparison, I can also see how much weight I can carry in my face too.  Wowsers.

Next up, PointsPlus Fail.  I was so excited to hit up my meeting tonight and get all the new goods.  I've just been tracking and weighing on eTools.  I showed up there and noticed that the line was moving really quickly and then as I get closer I realize that no one seems to be handing over more cash or getting anything in return and the cookbooks they have displayed are the ones I always saw there or already have.  My excitement starts to wane.  Now it's my turn, I go up and ask if they are starting the PointsPlus tonight.  Nope.  I ask when and she says December 20th or January.  Excitement dead.  Everything I read everywhere said it was starting December 6 in Canada and eTools on the Canadian site started tonight.  Thankfully knowing enough about Weight Watchers, I can muddle my way through it for now but it blows to not have any materials to read or a calculator to use.  I will just have to be near a computer before I decide to eat something.  Oh wait, I'm on a computer all day at work and most of the evening at home.  Hahaha!  Well look, I just wanted the new stuff okay!  I have since sent an email to customer service asking what date they are planning to launch because I don't really want to waste another trip.  I didn't stay for the meeting because I wasn't going to pay $15 to be told I'm up 2 pounds and no new fun stuff to show for it.  As I was leaving, I was so wanting to just hit a drive thru because that's my thing when I'm disappointed, sad, mad, happy, hurt, breathing.  I was so close.  Then I didn't.  HUGE NON-SCALE VICTORY! I made a meal plan yesterday and even a bit of meal and snack prep.  My chicken breast is in the oven as I type.  :)

Activity Victory -- I walked home from work today.  7 kms.  It took me an hour and five minutes.  It was really good.  The sidewalks got tricky in two places where I had to climb a little snowbank and it got a little bit colder as I got closer to home because it started to get darker.  But other than that, it was awesome and I'm going to do it again tomorrow!!

Gotta go put the veggies on!!  Oh, and does the WW PointsPlus logo remind anyone else of birth control??  Seriously, I have no idea why but every time I look at it, I think birth control.  

Ta ta for now!

Michelle

ps.  I'm watching Julie & Julia right now and it just came to the part where she gets her first comment on her blog and she is so excited and then she sees that it's her mother "I still don't know why you're doing this, I appear to be your only reader."  AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!  I think that is sooooo much funnier now that I have a blog!!!  I love comments so I understand her excitement and subsequent disappointment.

Let's Getter Done!

The most effective way to do it is to do it. -- Amelia Earhart.

I love that quote from Amelia Earhart.  Dude, that's deep :)  And it's fitting for everything I've been thinking about.  Today I was thinking about how many times I've just been sitting here thinking "geez, just do it already".  These thoughts turned into how clever Nike's "Just do It" is.  I would love to have been a fly on the wall in that room when they were knocking around ideas and landed on that one.  It really is genius.  Anyone have any favorite quotes or slogans?  I'm tempted to cover my condo in them.  Seriously, if it will get me going, I will!!


I'm applying the "just do it" to the 30-Day Shred.  Sarah just posted tonight that she is starting 30-Day Shred tomorrow (it's so late right now that tomorrow is today) so I've decided that it's a great idea and I'm going to do it too.  It might get a little dicey the closer it gets to Christmas and free time isn't as free but I'll worry about that when I get to it.  I'm also going to walk home from work a few times this week.  Yes, it will be cold, but I can take it.  Yes, it has snowed over 60 cm in the last week and a half but I've got good boots and they were made for walking.  If I stick to the major routes, the sidewalks should definitely be cleared.  If I run into an area that's not, I can take the bus home from there.

The other "just do it" of my week will be Weight Watchers.  I've just been using eTools which prompts me for my weigh-in each week which I've been doing at home.  It's actually been going well so to save money, I was just going to keep that up until after Christmas.  That was the plan until WW decided to launch a new program.  I've been reading a lot about it and it seems really good.  To be using a program that further encourages me to make great choices will be fantastic.  It launches here in Canada this week I believe so I'm going to go to my regular location so I can get the materials and buy my little calculator.  I wasn't going to but I realized that eTools is likely going to adjust to the new plan as well and I would be lost if I didn't go to the meeting.    At first, I was annoyed with the new program because I can look at a food label and make an educated guesstimate of the points per serving,  I will have to recalculate recipes, and I'm wondering how much of their old cookbooks etc have just been rendered "pointless", haha!  A little lame WW humor for you.  But then I changed my tune because I realized that a fresh program will force me to be calculating things more accurately and I remember how excited I was and how closely I paid attention when I was a new member.

Well, I'm going to stop here because I am up waaaaay too late.  Guess I should still be working on getting to bed at a reasonable time before I end up buying P90X or Sheer Cover Mineral Makeup.  Bahaha!

Ten Days of Blogging Absence

I was going to post about what's been going on and then decided against it because I thought it really didn't have anything to with weight loss so why post it on a weight loss blog?   I thought about it again today.  Maybe for a lot of people these things wouldn't have anything to do with weight loss, but for me it does.  It so does.

Essentially what's been happening is family drama.  My family has no shortage of drama.  I would need more than a movie, more than a miniseries.  We'd need a prime time drama slot at 8 pm with a spinoff at 9 pm in the second season just to cover the latest marriage and ensuing drama.  From an outsiders view, I'm the normal one.  From my friends I hear "how did you turn out okay?" "how are you so normal?".  Yet from the inside, I'm sort of the black sheep I think.

The Cliff Notes version:  Essentially, an affair tore the family apart 12 years ago and no one has really been the same.  I haven't really spoken to my mother in about as long.  Our last actual phone conversation went like this a few days before my birthday 12 years ago:
Her: well, what are you doing for Christmas?
Me: I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it.
Her: She slammed the phone down.  Back in the day when you could still slam a phone down, hahaha!!

I never heard from her on my birthday or for Christmas.  Thankfully, I've had AMAZING people in my life.  AMAZING.  I could cry right now just thinking about how amazing.  I have only spent one Christmas Day alone and that was my choice.  I really just wanted to.  Anyhow, I digress.  The current drama happening is a result of my little sister's engagement.  I got a facebook message from my mother asking if I was open to a reconciliation.  I replied saying that I was and that I have been for a long time.  I don't want things to be uncomfortable any more than she does at this wedding.  I would never ever ever cause a scene or make things awful for my sister so it would have been okay anyway but it would be better if we were on speaking terms.  We have tried in the past twice to fix this thing but she actually stood me up twice (which she denies but everyone else remembers).  And things quickly went off the rails again.  I've actually felt okay about not having a relationship with her because I've never felt like there was something more I could do.  I've put myself out there over and over and I keep getting burned because she is still the same person.  I don't what it is that I don't get but every single time I get burned, I'm shocked.  Why???  Why am I shocked???  So I'm back in this place again and realizing that she hasn't changed a bit.

She was excited that I was open to a reconciliation and right away talk started of the wedding and how expensive it will be and how she wishes she would do a destination wedding because most family members have to travel.  It's kind of funny that we agree on a lot regarding my little sister's financial situation and wedding plans.  We haven't talked about anything important or what caused the massive wedge in the first place.  We haven't because in the past, that's where everything goes to hell fast.  She still denies any and all wrongdoing and the rest of are still waiting for an acknowledgement that her decisions seriously hurt and altered everyone and everything.  Because of this, I've decided that for the sake of my sister and my sanity, I will simply have a very light and surfacy (not a word I know) relationship.  I will talk about nothing that it is important to me and nothing that I want to keep safe.  Thank goodness she lives 1000 kms away.

This reconciliation is about 3 weeks in the making now.  And the hurt is already starting.  She sent me a birthday card with $50, she told me she was buying me a Kindle for Christmas, and then she starts talking about me behind my back to my sisters.  Say whaaaat???  Nice fricking attempt, Mom.  The current situation being that she never invited my little brother & sister for Christmas so they had nothing to do.  I invited them to my place and said we'd do a whole crazy fun Christmas just the way we want to do it.  Big meal with just the stuff we want, the tree is up, I have stockings on the mantle for them, I've got crazy carpets for sledding on the hill by place, a Wii for the games, a DVD of the old school Christmas classic cartoons, and hideously ugly Christmas vests so we can take deliberately bad family photos.  The kids are both so excited and my sister's fiance is going to come too and he is equally as excited.  When my mom caught wind of this, she says "well, why can't you do that here?"  Here, being 1000 km's away.  In another country.  Three and a half weeks before Christmas when neither of them have time to book enough time off work to make the trip.  Now she's miffed that I'm somehow replacing her and we are back to square one.  How can I steal Christmas from her when she didn't plan one or invite them in the first place??  She constantly competes with me instead of supporting me.  If I was a mom and I lived far away from my children, I think I would be thrilled if one of the kids stepped up and brought everyone together for Christmas.  I really would be.  I have no idea why she's not.  I just have to say that I am so glad she lives so far away.  I hope she never moves back and I hope she never finds this blog!!!  Ahaha!  As I'm typing this I'm thinking that there is no way she would stumble across a weight loss blog of mine when only 4 people I know personally actually know about this blog and none of them talk to my mother.  Anyhow, at this point, under normal circumstances I would be ready to call it quits again because considering the jabs have already started just three weeks in, they aren't going to stop and I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to deal with it yet.  But these aren't normal circumstances.  I still have my sister's wedding to contend with which is what prompted the whole thing in the first place.  Oh, and there's Kindle on the line.  Bahahaha!!  So really, I'm stuck in this and I have to figure out a way to tolerate and survive having someone hurtful in my life.

So my plan of attack is to go to my doctor and get a prescription for an anti-depressant that I used to be on.  Just to help me over the hump of the next few months hopefully.  I haven't been sleeping because I can't shut my thoughts off.  I need to feel more in control than I do right now, which is why what is happening has everything to do with weight loss for me.  I've been to distracted by emails, facebook messages, and texts concerning all of this to concentrate on myself.  I haven't tracked or worked out or really prepared meals.  That's why I'm so amazed I managed a two pound weight loss.  Next up, keep thing going the way they are with my mother.  Keep it light, don't let her in too much because then there isn't anything close to me that she can use against me.

I took tomorrow off of work.  Thank goodness!!  I am so exhausted that there is no way I could have gotten up early again tomorrow.  My plan over the next couple of days is to clean up all the Christmas everywhere.  We just put up the tree so the remnants of all the boxes and tissue and other stuff is everywhere.  Laundry, normal housekeeping etc.  I'm going to make a meal plan and an exercise plan for the next week.  And every time I start thinking about how hard this all is, I'm going to put Just Dance 2 on the Wii.  That game requires your energy and your concentration so there's no way I could keep thinking about the bad stuff when I'm trying to keep up with the moves on Tik Tok.

So that's it in a nutshell.  Sorry if it's an overshare but it feels good to get some of it out and I can move forward from here in this little weight loss journey of mine.

Ta ta for now.  :)

Weigh-In, Good News, Bad News (short post)

I apologize right now for it being this long since my last post.  I've tried to be consistent in posting 2 - 3 times per week but it just wasn't going to happen in the last nearly 10 days.  Sorry!!  I will post more about the last week and a half either tomorrow or Friday.  And reply to comments!

First, weigh-in.  I was 209.0, down 2 pounds!!  I don't feel I necessarily worked for those 2 pounds but I will take it for every other time that I did work and the scale was not in my favor!  We all know those weeks.  I weighed in at home.  Because I'm actually a lifetime member at WW, I can get away with just paying for the weeks I go.  With it being so close to Christmas, I could really use the $15 fee elsewhere.  I'm still loving eTools!  I've been hearing all this stuff about the new WW Points Plus program as well.  I believe it rolls out in Canada on December 6 and will likely start reflecting the new values on my eTools then as well.  I'll go back to WW in mid-January to get more specifics on the program.

So the bad news -- "Spinster" is actually on wikipedia.  Seriously.  Short version, "unmarried woman, aged 38 or over" and something about being "past the conventional age for marrying".  Umm...OUCH.   I had no idea there was an age for a spinster so I'm going to stop calling myself that immediately!!!  Why am I talking about spinsters??  Because I thought I was one.  I just "celebrated", okay, yes, I celebrated my 37th birthday a couple days ago so I should not be calling myself a spinster just yet!!  Hehe - that's the good news, I'm not technically a spinster.

My 4th Birthday.  I know you're all crazy jealous of my Ronald McDonald slippers.

Besides, I can't be a spinster yet, I only have one cat!!  He's pretty fantastic though.  This is George Catstanza.  He's waiting for me to get out of bed.  After my alarm goes off, he will lay beside me and just look at me until I get up.  If I hit snooze, he moves a little closer and when I hit snooze again, he meows right in my face.  He's my back up alarm clock.

One more quick thing, I've had a couple requests for an email address and it never occurred to me to just create a secondary address on my internet account so now my blogging email address is: chubbygirl@shaw.ca  Gee, I can't believe "chubbygirl" as a username was still available!  Ahahaha!!

Till tomorrow friends :)

Weigh-In - Pass the Whine, & Wiiiiiiiiiiii

Michelle - age 4, fantastic wallpaper.

I'll lead with the Waaah.  I'm so tired.  This whole week I've been so so so tired.  I've had a scratchy, sore throat and feel like I've been fighting something off since last Thursday.  I have not succumbed completely yet though.  When I'm this tired, I'm weak when it comes to my food choices and that showed on the scale.  I was up 3.5 pounds.  Booo.  Oh well, I expected some of it but not all of it.  I've been thinking a lot about how much of an all or nothing attitude I have.  When I'm on, I'm really on, and I lose 4 pounds.  When I'm blowing it, I throw caution to the wind and gain the 4 pounds back.  Rapidly.  I have to work on not writing off the whole day if I've made a poor choice at lunch time.  And not writing off the whole week because I've had one bad day.  Tomorrow is the start of a new week!!

Next up, per my previous post To Wii or Not To Wii, I decided to Wii!!!  Over the last week, I kept watching the online used ads and spotted an ad for a Wii, Wii Fit Plus with Balance Board, two nunchuks and two remotes.  She also lived five minutes from me and had purchased the extended warranty and provided me with the receipt!!  So happy!!!  The price was a big thing stopping me so used was the way to go.  I hooked it up on the weekend and giggled my way through the Kung Fu and the cycling obstacle course.  I read many reviews on Nutwiisystem (super clever name).  He does fantastic in depth reviews and has videos to go along with them so you have a really good idea of what you're getting into.  Upon recommendations from blog readers as well, I bought Just Dance 2 on my lunch break today and tried it as soon as I got home.  FUN!!! And by the end of the third song, I was sweating like pig glowing like a dancing queen.  My sister is coming over Wednesday night to play and she's very excited.  I'm not allowed to practice to much before she comes over, her rules, hahaha!  There are a couple other games I want but my birthday is next week and Christmas is nearly upon us so I'll keep myself sweaty and entertained with the games I have till then.

The view from my little front yard.

Oh, and I think I mentioned that I walked home from work a week ago Friday.  7 km and it took me an hour and five minutes.  Awesome workout and I really walked fast.  I wanted to keep that up but this is the weather we got over the weekend.  I have to wait about a week to walk again so that I know the sidewalks and paths will be clear.  I'm also heading to Canadian Tire on Friday to buy some crazy carpets for sledding.  There are two huge hills at the end of my street and I saw people sledding on it today after work.  Sliding down is fantastic fun and walking up is a great workout.  Win-Win!!

I was going to write about something else but I can't remember what it was and my eyes are about to slam shut.  I'm going to try to catch up on some blogs I follow and then lights out.

Good Night!!

To Wii or Not To Wii?

That is the question.  I have wanted a Wii forever.  Then when the Wii Fit with the Balance Board came out, I wanted one even more.  Yet I've never taken the plunge.  I like games.  I like car games, I love Tetris, I love Bejeweled, I think I would LOVE Dance Dance Revolution.  And I'm intrigued by the fitness games/programs that you can get as well.  I've read about people using the Wii for exercise on other blogs so I need some advice people.  If you have one and love it, please tell me why.  If you have/had one but just don't bother with it, let me know why not.

So I ask you: To Wii or Not To Wii?

Self-Esteem & Weigh-In Monday

Tonight at Weight Watchers I was down four pounds!  Yay!  Okay, so tracking works and works well.  So funny that I've lost weight on this program before and I understand inside and out how the program works yet it took me so long to really get down to it.  But now that I have YAY!!

I also mentioned at the end of the previous post that I was going to try walking home from work.  I did it on Friday and it was fantastic!  It 7 km and I really trucked it because I finished in an hour and 5 minutes.  My only complaint was that I was too hot and I wish I'd brought one of my running shirts to wear home.  Next time!  I would love to do this 2 - 3 times per week.  

I debated over whether or not to write about this but it's what I've been thinking about and I was half writing it in my head during the night so it's getting done.  I can always delete it right??  I think everyone has a least favorite body part.  It might not be evident to everyone else because we are always our own worst critic.  It might even seem ridiculous to everyone else.  For me, it's my (cringe) breasts.  No, I'm not kidding.  If I could fix one thing, that's what it would be.  They are too BIG!!  They make me uncomfortable and self-conscious.  They give me back pain and shoulder dents from my bra.  Speaking of bras, I have never had a really good fitting bra because they just don't carry them in stores.  I once went to a specialty shop and got measured and told my "actual size"(I will not print this).  I was pressured into ordering a bra that was $140.  Then I left and cried all the way home.  When they called to tell me the bra was in, I didn't go pick it up.  I thought it made me look massive and I didn't want a bra that made me look like that.  I can't wear button down shirts because if they fit in the middle, then the top buttons don't do up and if I buy a larger size to fit on top, then the waist is huge.  All of those cute tops with the umpire waist band?  Nope, can't wear them.  And it seems like this has been the style for a couple of years now.  I won't even talk about bathing suits because of the sheer ridiculousness of it.  I do everything I can to make them appear smaller.  I would love to get a breast reduction but the waiting list on that is 18 months to two years.  Hopefully 18 months and then I can squeeze it in before my sisters wedding.  

Anyhow, this one time, a big group of friends and acquaintances got together for some drinks, snacks and a slideshow of trip pictures.  As I'm being internally critical of all of the pictures of myself, one picture pops up on the screen and right away, I want the ground to swallow me up.  Something about the shirt or the way I was standing and half-turning to the camera made my chest look crazy big.  Then a guy in the group (who has I'm sure had a few drinks by now) says something about "no way there is a bra in this picture".  I'm not kidding.  This happened and it was only 2 years ago.  Right away I say that of course I'm wearing a bra and I know that there has not been one time ever that I have left the house without one.  He keeps on insisting that there is no way I'm wearing a bra.  His partner was across the room giving him the "shut the f*ck up" look that couples like to give each other.  He wasn't getting it.  I'm pretty sure I left in under ten minutes because I remember my face burning, my stomach turning, and the tears wanting to come out fast.  I grabbed the dishes and food I'd brought and peeled out making some excuse for why I was leaving.  I couldn't believe that the one thing that bothers me about my body, was the one thing that was pointed out.  It basically just validated everything horrible I already felt and made me feel like sh*t.  

Last Thursday I had to go shopping for something to wear to a banquet on Friday night.  Nothing in my closet fits and I really started feeling like I didn't want to go.  I really hate how feeling uncomfortable with myself or what I'm wearing stops me from going places.  I decided that it was time for something new to wear.  While I don't want to buy a lot of clothes right now, sometimes you just need a new outfit to get you over the hump.  I bought a pair of black pants that fit perfectly, a floral (sort of) top and a black cardigan, and a necklace to go with.  I felt pretty good in it and when I got to the banquet, I saw a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a long time.  I was told that I looked great, that I was as beautiful as ever, that I wasn't aging and I magically looked the same as always, that they loved my new hair cut and so on. 

At least a dozen fantastic compliments came my way and while it was wonderful, I am teflon when it comes to compliments.  They don't stick.  The negatives though, like the night of the slideshow, stick with me.  I need to really work on absorbing the compliments, hanging on to them, believing them.  And I really need to believe good things about myself without hearing them.  

Oh self-esteem, wherefore are thou??

Michelle :)

TAG!! You're It!

I was tagged by Stephanie at I'm My Favorite to answer a few questions.  The rules are that I answer the questions, pose four new questions, and tag four new people.  Here are my answers to Stephanie's questions:


1.  If you could tell your 16-year-old self one thing, what would it be?
This is easy because in my second last post I covered this question.  Copy and paste!  Here is one, to see more, go here.
*YOU ARE NOT FAT!!  STOP FRICKING CALLING YOURSELF FAT!  If anything, you may be too thin.


2.  Do you eat the skin of baked potatoes or just the insides?
I eat the skin.  I love it.  When I was a kid, my stepdad always told me that's where the vitamins were.  I have no idea if this is true.


3.  Once you hit goal, are you worried about gaining the weight back?  Why or why not?
Once I hit goal, I'm actually not worried about gaining the weight back.  I'm not concerned because I gained it back once before and have learned where I went wrong.  I'm also attacking losing weight differently this time.  I am using Weight Watchers again but this time instead of just being concerned about staying within my points, I'm also concerned about the quality of those points.  I'm also more focussed on activity this time around.


4.  What was your first job and was there a specific reason you took it?
My first job was pretty funny actually.  I was 13 and I took a job at the local rifle club.  I was the kid who sat up in the big ladder chair with the umbrella on top.  My job was to push the button to release the clay targets for the skeet shooting and then keep score of who hit what.  It was pretty fun and a couple of classmates worked there with me.  I took it because I was 13 and it paid $200 for a one week tournament.  It beat babysitting!


Now the hardest part of this is coming up with new questions.  I'm going to keep one because I like it.
1.  Once you hit goal, are you worried about gaining the weight back?  Why or why not?
2.  What is your favorite vegetable and how do you prepare it?  (this is selfish question for me because I need ideas).
3.  How does blogging help or hinder your weight loss efforts?
4.  What, if anything, are you giving yourself as a reward once you've reached goal?


These questions go to:
1.  Char @ Fat Hair Day
2.  Anna @ The Weight Lost Diaries
3.  Kimberlynn @ Minding My Weigh
4.  Sarah @ My F.A.B Challenge


I wasn't actually going to post tonight but decided I should get on it because I had these questions to answer and it's going to be a busy weekend.  I'm watching my friends two children for the weekend.  Thankfully, I don't have to go over till Saturday around lunch time so I'll be able to do my class at the Y. This week has been nearly null for exercise.  I think I've been fighting off a flu of sorts because I've been exhausted since Monday evening when I thought I had a fever.  I did get in two brisk walks though.  I'm hoping to actually walk home from work tomorrow.  It will be 7 km.  Well, that is, if I can get my act together tonight and pack my lunch, bag, running shoes and so on.  I make no promises!  If it's not tomorrow, it will be next week.  


Hope everyone is having a great week!


Michelle :)

Weigh-In Monday!

Happy Happy Joy Joy!!  After staying the same for a week and then last week's gain of 2 pounds, I was so pleased to be down . . . drum roll . . . SIX POUNDS!  Now I realize that last week, if I hadn't been so bloated and stressed out, I probably would have been down 2 pounds or so which is part of this six.  And I'm okay with that!!!  Over this past week, I credit tracking everything as the main thing I did right, really right.  And veggies, I've eaten lots of veggies.  Friday night I went out for dinner with a friend to Applebees.  I chose one of their "under 550 calorie" meals so I knew I wasn't going crazy and it was delicious.  I even shared a dessert and tracked it!!

Oh eTools, after all the trouble I had getting signed up and one more invalid access code sent to me, I am finally signed up!  I love it!!!  It's so motivating to put in activity and see the points add up.  I feel like I'm on a bit of a roll with the eating over the past week.  I made a Veggie Chili that is low in points and high on fibre, I added a can of mushrooms too.  I've been putting it on top of spaghetti squash for even more veggie pow and it's super filling.  Travels well for lunches too.  My biggest downfall is lunches.  I hate packing my lunch but buying my lunch adds pounds.  I love making breakfast on Saturday and Sunday too.  This past weekend I was sauteing mushrooms, onions, green pepper, sun-dried tomatoes, and some spinach and then added 4 egg whites to the scramble.  There was more veggie than eggs and lots of flavor.  Topped with 1/4 cup of shredded cheese and yum!!  Gotta have my cheese!  Putting a bit of cheese on everything really stops me from eating the whole block.  Because I can and have eaten a whole block before.   I only buy shredded cheese now.

I went to Barbell Blast on Wednesday and Saturday as usual and ran before the class.  I'm still short one to two runs per week though so I'm not progressing as I'd like too.  I need to increase my commitment to the gym from just the two days.  I'm proud of myself for sticking with Barbell both times that it is offered but I need more.  This week is going to be a challenge activity-wise.  I can go to the gym Tuesday, on Wednesday I will be missing Barbell Blast because it is our condo's annual general meeting (damn!), Thursday I can go to the gym, Friday I can't, Saturday I have to miss Barbell Blast again because I am babysitting a friend's kids for the whole weekend.  Challenge is right!!!  I bought Bob Harper's (Biggest Loser) Pure Burn Super Strength DVD (click the link to watch the trailer, eek!).  I watched it through and it's a lot like the Barbell class so I'm going to substitute it this week for my classes.

There's been lots of challenges running around the blogs these days and I'm reluctant to commit to a challenge that requires me to do something physical EVERY DAY.  I've tried and failed enough diets and plans and exercise programs to know that I won't do it.  I would rather commit to four times a week and end up doing it five or six rather than commit to seven and fail and be disappointed in myself.  That's just how I roll :)  So my challenge for myself this week is to continue to track everything I eat in eTools and to do Bob's Pure Burn Super Strength three times this week (in place of Barbell) and run three times this week.

Thanks everyone for all your comments, mentions, encouragement, and support!  It is so so appreciated!!

Michelle :)

Crazy-A$$ed Week

Okay, just so we're all clear on what's happened this week:
*My little sister, 13 years younger than me, got engaged. I am not.
*I showed up at the gym with no water bottle and two different shoes.
*I have tried not once, but twice, to sign up for Weight Watcher eTools, unsuccessfully. (see below)
*I have been stood up. (see below)
Add to this, a raging case of PMS and you have enough tears to put out any forest fires currently burning and leads me to ask WTF?!

eTools: I confessed that I am a Weight Watchers meeting attendee who does not actually track and just tracks my points in my head.  I love spreadsheets, charts, my Mac, and my BlackBerry and with the pro-eTools comments on that post I was excited to sign up.  Just like the website said, I faxed a copy of my weigh-in booklet, my info, and my Canadian postal code.  It says that it can take up to 7 days to receive your access code but that you'll likely get it within 2 - 3 days.  I waited impatiently and I got my code near the end of the 7th day.  They did warn me.  The link they gave me took me to the US site.  Naturally, that didn't work once I started entering my Canadian address.  I went to the Canadian site and tried the code "this access code is not valid".  Sigh.  I emailed back explaining that I was in Canada and was given a code for the US.  The following day I heard back with a new code.  "This access code is not valid".  Double sigh.  Now I've emailed her back again saying that I apologize for being such a pain and I'm pretty sure I'm not doing anything wrong but that this code is not valid as well.  If I don't hear back by lunch time tomorrow, I'm taking a long lunch and walking down to the head office to straighten this out.  Trouble is, I was pms-ing, already upset and was actually excited about eTools.  Seriously, I'm mostly a rational person and realize this sounds silly but during a week that feels like the big things are crumbling on top of me, I'd just like for the little things to work, you know?  That first day, I had the access code in my email, I decided to walk the 20 minutes home instead take my transfer bus just so I could enter the activity in when I got home and signed up.  Once the access was denied I didn't even want to go to the gym.  I went and did the run and the Barbell Blast.  So glad I did.  It significantly improved my mood.  I increased the weight I was lifting and the instructor was in a crazy mood and he cracked us up all through the class.  Such a long paragraph, all for eTools.

Next up, yes, I got stood up today.  My old Learn to Run clinic instructor who was also in my Half Marathon clinic over last winter contacted me and said she really missed me and wanted to get together soon.  I got back to her and we set up a date for today at 4:30 at Boston Pizza. (Don't worry, I'd already picked out the salad I was going to have)  I got a table, ordered a pint and then sipped it over the next 30 minutes while I waited.  Big Sigh.  I hate waiting.  Even more, I hate waiting at a table with two menus, two glasses of water, one beer and me.  All I can say is thank goodness that the pms broke yesterday or else I probably would have been a sniffling puddle while paying for my beer and leaving.

The Positives:  Yes, there are positives.
*After bawling my eyes out over my sister's engagement, I still did my run and my Barbell Blast class.
*After forgetting my water bottle and having two different shoes, I still did my run and my Barbell Blast class.
*I walked the 20 minutes home yesterday instead of taking my second bus.
*After not being able to sign up for eTools, I still did my run and my Barbell Blast class.
*While sitting in the lounge for 30 minutes by myself, I was self-conscious but I wasn't so uncomfortable that it was unbearable.
*After being stood up, I didn't shed one tear, I just went home and cracked a Bud Light Lime.
*Despite not being able to get into eTools, I have tracked everything for the last three days.  I will get into eTools dammut!
*Tomorrow night I have another dinner date with a friend and I'm going to give her a quick call to confirm. ( I paused here to call her, not only is she meeting me, she's excited about it!)

16 Year-Old Me

And finally, Chibi Jeebs wrote a post about tweeting your 16 year-old self.  Very intriguing thought.  I'm not a tweeter.  I have a twitter account.  I don't really get it.  I'm a one tweet wonder.  I admit it.  However, I will post what I would tweet to my 16 year-old self, if I tweeted.  :)
*YOU ARE NOT FAT!!  STOP FRICKING CALLING YOURSELF FAT!  If anything you may be too thin.
*I love you.  You don't love you, but I love you.
*You kick ass at math, calculus, physics & english and that is so damn cool, own it.
*You are not the parent.  Don't pressure yourself like you are.
*You will move out of your parents house and be self-sufficient really soon, so don't worry about it.
*Don't date men 10 years older than you till you're at least 25.
*Don't try to make everyone else happy so much, do what makes you happy.
*Ignore that a-hole pervy volleyball coach and keep on playing.

That's what I could think of off the top of my head.  Hehe - if I was tweeter, I could keep adding to this.

Thanks everyone for sticking with me through the dark week!!  Totally thought I'd lose blog followers but I gained three!  Whoop Whoop!  I'm not promising there won't be dark weeks ahead, see me in 28 days :)

OK, I'll Take the Gain

I'm up two pounds.  I'd rather take the gain now than spend the whole week trying to catch up just to stay the same.  I hate backpedalling!  Better off to register the gain now and treat tomorrow as a fresh start.

For the last few days, my eating has been unstoppable.  I need to climb out of the funk I'm in and I think some of it might actually be pms.  Hmmm . . . so at least this mood will alleviate slightly in a few days.  The rest of the funk is my life lately which really only bothers me some of the time but has been bothering me a lot over the last few days which again is magnified by the pms.  Oh woe is me!  What a rambling post, I apologize!

Mini-NSV - I actually nearly made it through Halloween without having any yummy bite-sized treats!  Nearly.  I only had two.  One bite-sized twix and one bite-sized snickers.  It was my neighbor's fault!!  Okay, it was my fault.  It actually happened because I convinced the neighbor in the condo across from me to creep up the stairs to the other neighbor across from me on the second floor and . . . steal her lit pumpkin for her own window.  Oh yes I did.  I had the best, biggest, deepest belly laugh watching her creep slowly up the stairs and then drop to the ground when the other neighbor came out and caught her.  Don't worry, I know both of these women.  But oh was it funny. I went over to visit for a bit and she had a bunch of leftover treats, I took two.  It was worth it though because I so needed the laugh.

Usually my posts are not so blah and I promise I will be back to my regularly scheduled programming shortly!  I'd also like to thank my wonderful newfound blogging community for the eHugs (haha - that's totally what I'm calling it now) and encouragement!

Again, tomorrow is a fresh start and I have a massage booked tomorrow evening.  Aaaahh :)

Michelle :)

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

It's also known as Saturday.  Friday night is what got the ball rolling though.  I have a sister that is 13 years younger than me.  We're very close.  Since the day she was born, I was a little mother and that never really changed.  Our mom moved away when my sister was just 15 so the mothering continued.  She's just shy of 24 now and she got engaged last night.  After the congratulations and the Facebook status update and the picture of the ring, things started to fall apart.  As she got older, this was always my greatest fear.  That she be getting married and I'm still not.  And here we are, she's nearly 24 and engaged and I'm nearly 37 and NOT.  Open the floodgates.  Pretty sure I cried myself to sleep.

My alarm went off to go to the gym for a run and Barbell Blast class and I didn't want to move.  I hit snooze a few times which shortened the time I have to run and got up.  I got ready to leave and then walked out the door and saw the results of our first snow.  I wanted to go back inside and go back to bed.  I finished scraping off the car and left.  I get into the gym changeroom and realize that I've forgotten my water bottle.  I hadn't changed yet so I just wanted to leave but didn't want to walk past the Y employees at the front desk who had just scanned me in.  I get dressed and at that point realize that I have two different running shoes.  Same-looking shoes but one has run for a year and a half and one has not.  I almost cried.  No water and two different shoes??  Really??  I put on my two different shoes, bought a bottle of water and went up to the treadmills.  I am proud of myself for going to the gym and doing my Saturday morning run and class but not so proud of what followed.

I got home from the gym, still tired from the sleep, puffy from the cry, and exhausted from the workout.  I dove headfirst into tortilla chips and guacamole hummus.  I didn't have tortilla chips in the condo but I do live 100 feet from a convenience store.  I walked in there to get eggs but I got eggs and tortilla chips.  Then I finished up with some jelly bellies and then crawled into bed and slept for 4 hours.  Now I feel awful in more ways than one.

The silver lining is that I actually went to the gym today and sweat like crazy and I have no weigh-in on Monday (because of a cooking class) so hopefully I can repair the damage by the following Monday.  I'll have the eTools code in the next couple of days.  Sleep, tracking, water, and exercise and going to be the keys for me for the next week to be successful.  I have the new motivator of not being the fat, 37 year-old spinster sister of the bride.  Sigh.

Confessions & Non-Scale Victories

I have a confession.  It's a Weight Watchers confession.  I haven't been physically tracking, I've been mentally tracking.  The mental tracking has been going alright but actual physical tracking would probably be working better.  Take last week for example, I stayed the same.  I don't think I went over my points and I didn't have any crazy meals or treats but I don't know that I didn't go over.  This has to change!!  To change it, I looked into Weight Watchers eTools.  I've read on other blogs about the recipe thing where you put in all the ingredients and it calculates a point value per serving, that could be helpful!  And I like the idea that with online tracking you'll have the previous weeks to look back at rather than the little pamphlet which I always lose to the abyss in my bag.  I've also seen screen prints of the online trackers on other blogs.  Today I faxed a copy of my weigh-in booklet to the head honchos at Weight Watchers so that they email me an access code for eTools.  I assume the access code is good for a limited time and then you have to pay for it so I'll have to assess how it worked before I pay.  I have to say it would be really great if it was free with a paid pass and then free for lifetime members.  In order for me to maintain my weight once I'm at goal, I'm going to need to keep tracking!  I didn't do that last time and look where it got me!

On to the good stuff, I finally did something with the big yam that's been staring at me from my countertop for over a week.  SOUP!  When the temperature dips, like it did here drastically this week, I love soup.  Nice, thick, filling soups.  It was quick and easy.  One big yam, a few carrots, chicken broth, garlic, pinch of cayenne, bit of salt, simmered for 20 minutes and then blended it all up.  I've got a big container in the freezer and another one in the fridge.  That's a little dollop of light sour cream in the picture.  Helps to add the creaminess without adding actual cream.  

My next non-scale victory is a bit of a two-parter.  I haven't been to the gym yet this week.  I know, it's Thursday.  Shame!  My friend Stephanie emailed me this afternoon and asked if I want to go to the gym tonight.  Everything in me was screaming no but what I responded with was "yes, argh!"  I went, I did week three in C25K, and I feel good for having done it.  After all, how the heck am I supposed to say no to Fit Mom??  The second part of this non-scale victory is that I have been desperate for ice cream for the last few days.  Pretty sure it's pms.  I wanted to go to Dairy Queen to get a blizzard right after the gym.  And I didn't!!!  Oh I could taste it, I was ready to turn around, and I didn't.  Although the picture I just added with this is killing me.  I'd better publish this post immediately so I can stop looking at it!!

Oh, and I'm excited!  On Friday, Fit Mom and I are making a run for the border.  We are driving to Grand Forks, ND for the day.  It's about 2 hours and totally worth the trip to hit Target and take advantage of all the fantastic stuff we don't have in Canada.  And cheap cheese!!  I think I've mentioned it before but I LOVE CHEESE!  Super Target here I come!