Best Thing I Ever Did for Myself

Just another quick post but I had to share my pure joy!!  Just a little more regarding the breast reduction . . . I kept thinking that I wasn't really seeing a difference.  I knew they were smaller, I knew that my back didn't hurt anymore but I didn't feel I looked that different.  I've just been taking it really easy so I've mostly been wearing pj's and tank tops with a cardigan.  Today, I put on my jeans and a t-shirt that I would wear before.  Walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and couldn't believe my eyes.  I instantly thought of a specific picture that was taken on vacation last year so I absolutely had to do a comparison.  I can see it now and I'm so so happy!!!

Please excuse the bed head. :) I had to take a picture immediately.

The Follow Up!!

So I'd said in a previous post that I would post again last weekend with the rest of what's been happening but I never got around to it.  I was busy busy busy getting everything organized for recovery at home.  I wanted to be as prepared as possible and I have to say that I think I've done pretty well!!!  Recovery from the breast reduction surgery so far has been awesome except for one night of intense nausea that had me freaking out a bit.  It passed and it's been smooth sailing since.

The other thing that's been happening is my brand new itty bitty niece.  She was 19 days early, her due date was December 9th and she showed up on November 21st.  While it is tough at times to know that my much younger sister is married with a baby now and I'm feeling like a spinster, it is so tough not to love this teeny adorable little being.  How can you not love something that smells so damn good!!  She was just over 6 lbs so with all the big 8 & 9 pound babies in our family, she was easily the smallest the baby I've ever held.  My sister is doing well too.  Starting to get her confidence as a new mom and not letting everyone's opinion get in the way.


Carrying on with more good news  I got a new job!!!  I had interviewed for the position in the middle of October and no one heard anything for a while.  Then at the end of October, I got the call from the surgeon's office with a cancellation date for my surgery.  I was so excited and took the date but still had no idea what was happening with the job.  I was pretty sure it was mine and there were just some HR hoops to jump through so I just notified both my current supervisor and my possibly future supervisor that I was going to be having surgery and I would be off for the month of December.  Within a week, they straightened everything out and officially offered me the job.  They also said they would put through my promotion at the end of November instead of waiting till January.  I thought that was incredibly generous because my new position comes with a pay increase.  Lucky me!!!  The job is also in a neighboring department so I get to stay on the same floor close to some of my old department work peeps.  Win win.

AHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Time for a couple more pictures of Baby A.  I'm obsessed with her feet.  I have many pictures of her feet but I did like the Star Trek thing she's doing with one in this picture.  Hahaha!  And I'm not even a Trekkie (Trekie?), pfft who knows.  

Auntie M!!  No more pictures please!

Quick Post-Surgery Post

This recovery is brought to you by Netflix. :) I posted previously that I was having a breast reduction this past Tuesday.  I got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon and so far recovery has been fantastic.  I haven't had any problems.  I'm resting and taking really good care of myself and eating properly for speedy healing.  I'm also catching up on my PVR and I'm about to jump into The Walking Dead on Netflix.  Any favorite shows I should pick up??

And here's a picture of my home nurses, they must know something is up because they have not left my side since I got home.  If I move from my couch to my bed they follow immediately and back again.  So cute.  

So if you have any favorite books, shows, or movies to share, let me know, I've got some time to kill not doing a whole lot of moving!

Please Stop the Ride!

It's been a while.  I haven't done much but I've maintained my weight.  Pretty good considering usually when I'm not losing weight, I'm gaining weight.  Staying the same is okay for right now because I haven't been capable of much else.

I've been on this!  Canada's Wonderland.

Normally, I love rollercoasters.  Love them!  I want to get off the emotional one I'm on.  There has been so much happening.  So much.  And I'm still smack dab in the middle of it.  Painfully so.  There have been a few good things and some bad things and it's all exhausting so I'll just share a couple today, otherwise, it will be one of those posts that is so long that you open it and think "oh hell, I don't have time to read that!"  So I'll post again this weekend with the rest.

The good first -- I have posted before about my least favorite body part.  My breasts.  Ugh.  Far too big, far too much back pain.  I can only spend so much on massage therapy only to have the pain back in a couple of days.  Anyhow, back in February I finally asked my doctor for a referral to a surgeon for a breast reduction.  I had my first consultation in May, they took all the measurements required and did an exam and told me I was "clearly a candidate" for insurance to cover it.  Awesome!   Then I was told the wait was a year.  Sigh.  They did have a cancellation list so I put myself on it and told them that I would so love to get an appt between October & March because winter is the best time for me and my job to be able to take time off.  I also told them I could do short notice, give me a couple weeks heads up and I'll take it.  The call came at the end of October and they had a cancellation for me for November 29th.  I jumped on it.  My birthday is the 30th so I'm thinking this is the best birthday present ever.  I'm so excited.  I've researched and researched and I'm pretty prepared around home for my recovery time.  I'm pumped.  I can't believe it's this Tuesday!

The bad -- I hate when something or someone points out that I'm fat.  I know I'm fat.  I don't need a reminder.  Here was the reminder, at least that other people thought so too.  So my Grandma and Grandpa recently moved with my Dad all the way from Ontario to BC.  A big move at their age.  Grams is 91 and Gramps is almost 93.  Grams is starting to have some confusion.  We're not sure if it's Alzheimer's or dementia or sometimes just some confusion.  People used to get my sister Erin and I mixed up constantly.  Not so much now that I'm overweight.  With there being three granddaughters, she's starting to mix us all up.  I was talking to my Dad on the phone, saying how excited I was that I will be there to visit in a month and I asked how Grams was doing with the confusion etc.  He told a few really funny stories about things she's said and then he thought of one more.  Dad was telling her how Erin was coming over for supper and that I was coming to visit for ten days at Christmas and she looked at him and said "who's the big one?" Yeah, that would be me.  F*ck.  I don't blame her for saying it.  She's 91 years old and she can't ask who's the blonde, who's the freckled one, or who's the blue-eyed one because we both are.  The only difference to her is that I'm the big one.  But you know, he's known that I struggle with my weight, he's known how hard I've tried, he knows about the thyroid, he knows about the depression, did he really have to repeat that f*cking charming anecdote?  No, he didn't.  And what's more, is that Grams is pretty damn proper and she never would have said that to me or in front of me.  I took a hit that day.  That was Saturday.  Now I'm going to visit one month from today knowing I'm the "big one" to everyone else too, not just me.  Ugh.  I love this forum.  I haven't even repeated this story to anyone because I probably would have cried while telling it.

Hopefully, I can use this as motivation after the surgery.  Heck, the surgery alone is automatically going to make me smaller and I've been reading up on the healing diet that is recommended for speedy healing with fewer issues.  Just by looking at it, I can tell there will be weight loss.  Every little bit helps.

I will post again this weekend because oh yes, there is still more.  It's been a crazy, crazy month!
Missed you bloggy peeps :)

Back to the Basics . . .

After floundering in every way possible over the last few weeks, I've gone back to the basics.  Last Friday, I had the day off and I was sitting here all blue just trying to think of what to eat and feeling like everything was boring and I needed some inspiration and ideas.  For that, I turned to my own blog, gee, imagine that!  I scrolled back through my posts knowing I had posted pictures in the past of things that I loved and what I was eating.  Back in the mix are a few simple salads, a thai peanut stir fry that I make with a packet that I LOVE, chicken fajitas, hard-boiled eggs, omelets, spaghetti squash and wraps.  Just to name a few.  I went through the flyers, found that the case of boneless skinless chicken breast was on sale at Sobey's and started there.  Then off to Costco for lots of fruits & veggies, frozen & fresh.  I haven't eaten a meal out since and I've been completely satisfied.  Tonight I was tired and hadn't planned what I was going to eat but since I had a variety of fresh stuff in the fridge, I ended up with an egg white omelet stuffed with spinach, mushrooms, onions, tomato, havarti & feta and a sliced tomato from the garden on the side. Delicious and it didn't take long at all.  

I also started tracking all my WW points plus again and today is day 6.  Going back to the basics paid off on the scale, I weighed in on Tuesday which made it 8 days and I was down 6.6 pounds.  WHOOP!  I don't even know how that's possible but I weighed myself again this morning to make sure and it was on par.  I'll take it!

I also worked out a few times in the last few days in the form Just Dance 3 for the Wii.   Oh man, fun fun fun.  Actually, the funniest part was when I took it to my neighbor's place.  She popped it in her Wii and moved the furniture out of the way and told me to choose a song while she went to the washroom.  I couldn't decide and then just opted for "speed shuffle" just thinking that would give us some short versions of some songs.  After a while, laughing, dancing, bumping into each other and sweating buckets, we kept thinking, "isn't this over yet??"  Then another song would start.  Finally we stopped it and ran outside to cool off.  We came back in and she checked the time played and it was 39 minutes.  I checked the booklet and it turns out that speed shuffle will play a shortened version of each song.  EACH OF THE 40 SONGS!  Ahahahah!  I don't even know how many songs we went through but it must have been almost all of them.  So funny.  Good to know for future.  Anyhow, highly recommend it, loved most of the songs too.  

This is the new wallpaper on my iPhone.  Just a reminder, that nothing that is happening in my life right now is the end of the world.  

Feel Good? Tweet Tweet?

The office treat guy strikes again!!  Of course he would, because it's almost Halloween.  This will continue for another month because Halloween candy will be on sale the day after as well.  Then it will be Christmas and he will strike again.  In fact, the holidays will blend together in treats I'm sure.  He sent out the email today inviting us all over for treats.  I went over later in the day to scold him.  I said "cut it out with the treats!"  And then I grabbed a raspberry tootsie pop and walked away with as much dignity as I could muster.  Next time, and by next time, I mean tomorrow - I'm going to ask him what the heck a skinny diabetic guy needs with all this candy?!

Q*Bert!

Oh Twitter.  I'm trying twitter.  I'm going to be honest.  I don't quite get it.  I need twitter for dummies.  Retweets and hashtags and all.  All those little symbols remind me of the Atari game Q*Bert.  Hehe - anyone under the age of 30 probably won't get that reference.  So if you want to find and follow me, go ahead, I'm terribly exciting.  I'm thinking it will be great for motivation or encouraging others throughout the day when we're not sitting at our computers blogging and commenting.  Is it called my "handle"?  I have no idea, anyway, I'm under Chubby Girl (by first and last name) and the handle is ChubbyGirlTrain.  The little picture is my button of the redhead (my button is on the right of this blog).  


In light of my recent meltdown or ongoing meltdown, whatever, I've decided to try to take really good care of myself.  I'm making a list of things that make me feel good. Here's what I have so far:
A clean condo.  I LOVE my condo. LOVE IT.  So when it's clean and everything is in its place, it feels so wonderful.  On the other hand, a messy condo makes me more like a shut-in.  However, I am not a domestic goddess so this doesn't just come naturally.  
Eating better.  Haha - isn't that what this blog was originally supposed to be about??  But really, when I eat better, I feel better.  
Exercise.  Like above, I'm betting exercise will make me feel even better.  You know, endorphins and all.  
Less facebook.  Sounds stupid I know.  But facebook makes me feel like sh*t these days so I'm just going to stay off of it for a while.  I'll tweet instead :)  And if I'm loving my facebook free week, I'm going to delete it.  
Sleep.  This should actually be number one.  I need to get to bed earlier.  Last night I made sure to be in bed early and I actually woke up before my alarm and had a pleasant morning NOT running around like a crazy person.  
Saying no.  I need to say no when I want to say no.  And stop saying yes when I desperately want to say no.  


So my questions to you fabulous folks . . . what makes you feel good or happy or whatever?  And got any twitter tips?  Wanna follow me?  Want me to follow you?  Let me know!!


And ps -- thanks for the support.  Really truly really truly.  


pps -- I just watched the most disgusting Survivor challenge I've ever seen.  

Soooo . . . . crap.

Soooo yeah.  I'm not in a good place.  Really not.  I've turned into a hermit.  I've always been a bit of a homebody in that I like being at home.  I don't mind spending time alone and I love my home.  But I think I've crossed the line from homebody to hermit.  Mostly because I don't want to spread this negativity and Debbie Downer business around.  And because I really just don't want to be around people.

When it comes right down to the very nitty gritty of it, I'm not happy.  I'm quite unhappy.  I'm an angry person.  I'm a fearful person.  Sometimes I think my fear masquerades as anger.  I feel like I suck at life.  These are things that I generally always think and feel but I've gotten quite good at just pushing it back down and going on with business as usual.  However, circumstances as of late, bring all of it to the surface, all the time.  My baby sister gets married tomorrow.  She's getting married by a JP just to be married before the baby comes and there is a very small family only dinner tomorrow night.  Every time I think about it, I cry.  Every time.  At work.  While waiting for the bus.  While on the bus.  If I think about it, I can choke on the lump in my throat and tears sting my eyes.  I feel like such a failure.  A loser.  A spinster.  And then I get angry.  At myself.  Very very angry.

As a result of my explosion of emotion at a fricking bus top on Tuesday morning, I made an appointment with one of our company counsellors.  I work for a great company and I am very thankful that we have two counsellors on staff and it's free.  FREE!!!  I had an appointment the same day I called and as a result, I  now have 4 more appointments scheduled within October and November and I will be doing therapy.  Therapy.  THERAPY.  Seems like such a big word now.  Ominous really.  I've never done therapy before.  I thought I had just by talking to a counsellor every few months to a year but as it turns out, that's not really THERAPY.  And what I'm giving a try is hypnotherapy.  Not gonna lie.  I'm scared.  Not scared to try it.  But scared that I try it and it doesn't work.  Then what?  Then I just stay the way I am forever?  I don't actually believe I will survive being the way I am forever.  So it has to work.  I feel like I'm in a swimming pool and everyone is frolicking in the pool and bouncing around and having a great old time and I'm half under water, drowning, with only my eyes above the surface watching everyone.

As for the weight loss part of my equation, I have not given up.  I've been doing really well at not eating the refined white stuff.  I actually lost 5 pounds in that week that I started.  I am going to weigh in on Monday.  My neighbor started back with WW and her weigh-ins are Monday too so we are going to keep each other accountable and we are getting together on Monday to set goals.  I am two weeks behind on Brad Gansberg's running thing though because I joined up for the September 26th start and sent my new Y gym request into payroll but they were so backlogged with work that it didn't get hooked up right way.  I should be able to get my card and go on Sunday.

So that's where I'm at.  Time for bed now.  Good night sweet peeps.

Quick Update . . .

This is just a speedy update (hopefully) because I am so tired and I can't think of anything!!  So the highlights:

Grandma & Grandpa when we picked them up in the
Vancouver airport.  So damn cute!!!

1.  Had a great time in San Francisco!  Missed seeing a few things I wanted to see but saw a lot and had fun.  Also managed a few days at the end of the trip to see my family in Vancouver.  My Dad and Grandparents (90 & 92 years old) made the move from Ontario to BC.  They all arrived happy & healthy and I"m so happy I managed to fit that in there.  The timing was perfect.

Me, the first time I ran the half-marathon distance.

2.  I want to run again.  I'm dreading it and excited for it.  Mostly because I know it will be so hard and so worth it.  I miss the way I used to run.  I signed up for Brad Gansberg's online running group.  Check it out and email him if you're interested.  A group started yesterday and I just joined yesterday so I'm a bit late to start and will likely just be a week behind but I"m okay with that.  It's not like I'm physically running with the group.  The picture to the right is the first time I ran 21.1 km's, the half-marathon distance.  I was about 165 - 170 lbs there.  Sadly, this was just two years ago.  I don't even want to report my weight right now.  I will, just not today.






3.  I'm reading a book called This is Why You're Fat by Jackie Warner and I'm realizing for real how bad refined sugar is and how much of it is in EVERYTHING.  I know it will be a slow transition and I know I've heard how bad it all is a million times before but it's really sinking in now.  I want to eliminate those items as much as possible.  It's not lost on me that North America is the fattest it's ever been in history and all this "low-fat", "artificially sweetened" stuff didn't exist 40 years ago.  Today's sugar is the devil.

4.  I absolutely must get into the habit of having everything ready the night before.  Coffee maker, breakfast, lunch packed, clothes picked.  I'm assuming it's crappity crap crap diet and lack of exercise that's making me so tired.  But I am tired.  Every day all day, I'm tired.  I come home and lose an hour on the couch.  I wake up multiple times during the night.  I'm late for work more often than I'm on time.  I hate that!!!   So in that theme, right now I'm making some chili and some taco soup, both new recipes to me.  If they work and taste great I will link to them.  One of my favorite things about Fall coming in, is the soup, stews, and chowders.  There are so many to make that are hearty and good for you!  Yum!

That's it for now!

UPDATE!!  CHILI IS DONE AND TASTY!!  16.5 cups of nutritious goodness are ready for my freezer and my tummy.  Here's the recipe I used.  I cut the recipe in half and then just used all the seasonings to taste.

The Hardest Part . . .

The hardest part is getting out there.  I'm not one who loves exercise.  I'm not one who likes exercise.  I swear it takes me an hour to convince myself to exercise.  Once I've finally convinced myself to do it, it takes me half an hour to get ready to exercise.  So it takes me twice as long as the workout to just get to the workout.  Why is it so hard to just get out there and do it?  This morning I did just that.  Then I got outside and rode my bike and it was great.  I decided where I would go and then when I was done I decided to do more so I did another loop.  I mapped it when I got home and it was just over 12 kms.  So it's always been great when I get out there, I never regret exercising, and it's good for you and you feel good after . . . so why is it so fricking hard to just do it??



My motivation to get out this morning is that it's likely to pour rain this afternoon.  We had thundershowers all last night so it was great I got those fenders on!!  I biked far enough down the bike path where there a new road going in.  Because it's the weekend, no construction workers were out so I head on down the new road and it was like my very own traffic free, people free, kid free, dog free bike path!  I'm not quite as confident on a bike yet to take pictures of myself like Bitchcakes but one day!!  I took this shot with my phone of my solo bike path and and cloudy doom.  Hahaha!  That so does not look like a nice place to be biking but hey, the path was empty, perfectly smooth and the air was fresh and cool. :)

Oh Sweet Relief

I was down 0.8 pounds yesterday.  It's a miracle.  As of Friday, I was going to be up 2+.  I was freaking out.  Enter my friend Lindsay (thank you Lindsay).  She emailed me on Friday and said she often goes for a bike ride after she puts her kids to bed and she rides right by my place.  She said she would text me when she was leaving her house and if I could come great, if not, no biggie.  Sounds good to me.  Friday night I was sitting on the sofa just before 8 pm thinking "i wonder what time Lindsay puts her kids to bed", "what am I going to wear if she texts me?" and once I couldn't think of anything, "what can I say so that I don't have to go?".  Less than a minute after that thought, I got a text that said "i'm leaving in two minutes, be there in five".  Gulp.  I said okay and then around like crazy throwing something on and grabbing a bottle of water and dragging my bike out of the storage room.  By 9:15, I was home again after cycling 9 km.  All sweaty and happy.  It woke me up.  I ate fruits, veggies and egg whites all weekend to keep all the points low and under control just hoping that I could manage to salvage the awful week I wrote about.  I was really just hoping for no gain so to see a loss of 0.8 is really amazing and I'm so thankful for it.  The bike ride also motivated me to FINALLY put the basket and fenders on my bike.  They've been sitting here for months.  The fenders were pretty finicky and for the front one, I almost took it to the bike shop but I took a little breather and looked at it again and figured it out.  I hate paying people to put stuff together!!  My tires were low too and the convenience store next door JUST put a coin box on their air compressor so I bought a fantastic pump for home.  It's also small enough to put in a pack.

Napoleon Dynamite would love it.

I was so relieved for Monday to come as well just so that it was a new week.  Fresh weekly points, I haven't ruined the yet, I'm not in the hole, I"m still tracking everything.


So for this week, I have to get some walking in.  I swear I will probably have burning legs just walking around on my trip to San Francisco.  Incidentally, 10 MORE SLEEPS!!  There is also a baby shower that I am NOT going to and as per my last post, I'm buying soft fluffy towels that match as soon as I see them on sale.  :)

ps.  I so appreciate the comments and email support I got from you ladies.  Makes me feel like less of a freak knowing many feel the same way about the wedding/baby shower circuit!

The Perfect Storm

I feel like this little boat.

PMS + an upcoming trip + a summer cold struggling to emerge + a heat wave + everyone around me is pregnant =
THE PERFECT STORM





So the PMS is the real devil here.  It makes every single one of the above struggles 10x bigger and more painful.  Do any of you have raging, crazy pms?  If so, have you tried anything that's worked to alleviate it?  My doctor once told me he suspected I had PMDD.  I wouldn't be surprised but really, other than medicating yourself for 30 days a month to treat one week a month, I don't see an answer.   Honestly, even though I know what it is and I know that I am a crazy, irrational person who hates the world and everyone in it at that time, it doesn't make it any less of a difficult few days knowing that there is a reason behind it and the intensity of emotion will pass soon.  I also know that the basis for the emotions are true and are there all the time but oh the intensity of that one time a month.  INTENSE.


I have been eating like a crazy person.  I've tracked everything and blown through my daily points and as of tonight my extra weekly points are gone.  If I want/need to go over my daily points for the next four days, I'll need to get some activity in there.  I am fighting thissummer cold tooth and nail and it comes & goes.  At least the trip is a fun thing to be planning.  My sister and I are pretty much planning it via text message and pretty much taking turns booking things and making reservations and it's really coming together so it's just a little stressful at times.  I leave in two weeks and I just want to make sure everything at work is up to speed and my condo & cats are looked after etc.

Which brings me to the pregnant thing.  Let me just preface this by saying, yes, I'm bitter.  I'm not bitter all the time, just a little of the time and at the moment, all these pregnant people are overwhelming me.  I'm not kidding, it seems that EVERYONE is pregnant.  Friends, my little sister (she's 24, I don't have words to explain how much this one hurts at times), and girls I used to babysit.  Yes, it's happy, I'm happy for them.  But at the same time, it breaks my heart, truly. At nearly 38 years old, single & childless,  it has been pretty f*cking hard to watch everyone around me get married and have babies.  They step out their front door and meet someone.  Believe me I've tried.  Blind dates, online dating, etc.  I've even tried "not trying" because apparently it "happens when you least expect it".  Um, no, no it doesn't.  I've struggled with this for about 10 years now, wondering why not me.  I've pretty much let go of the baby idea.  It's far too painful to keep hanging onto a hope or a dream that in reality has a very low probability of happening especially given the fact that I have endometriosis and one ovary left.

So now where my pain lies is showers, wedding showers, baby showers etc.  Just shoot me.  In the midst of my pms rage, I found out (via facebook naturally, I so want to delete facebook) that a girl I babysat is pregnant.  Actually two of them, one is due any day now.  I burst into tears, go through the whole thing, eat some crap, feel like shit and start to recover.  While I'm distracting myself with online scrabble, an email pops up and it's an e-vite to a baby shower for my friend's daughter who just had a baby.  More tears.  Again, she's 10 years younger than me.  I've decided something.  I'm done with showers.  DONE.  I'm not attending any more.  Effectively immediately.  From now on, I will politely decline.  I've been shelling out cash for years celebrating other people's happiness and choices and I'm done.  It kills me to be there and I don't ever want to hear "it's your turn next".  Really??  If this was a "waiting till it's your turn" situation, I'm pretty sure my turn should have come before all the girls I babysat and changed diapers for. I feel sad the whole time and then usually come home and cry and I'm done.  I know some may be disappointed, or think that I'm being a bitch, think I don't care about them.  Yes, yes I do care about you. But then I think, can you please care about me?  With all the people that will be there, the fact that I'm not, will go unnoticed.  And if it hurts my heart to be there then do you really want me to do that??

I'm going to make myself a little registry list of things that I need and every time I'm invited to a shower, I'm going to decline and then I"m going to buy myself something off that list if I can afford it.  Number one is towels. :)  I've never had nice matching soft towels.  Spoken like a true crazy woman.

So I will leave you with this clip from one of my favorite Sex & the City episodes.  I loved Sex & the City.  I so can not relate to the active sex lives but there were so many episodes that just made me feel okay about being single that sometimes I pop in the dvd's of my favorites when I'm feeling shitty about it.  In a nutshell in this episode, Carries goes to a baby shower and her shoes get stolen and the woman who the shower is for makes her feel like crap for spending so much money on shoes and doesn't want to pay her for them.  LANGUAGE WARNING if you have little ears around.

And then Carrie says she is marrying herself and registers for the shoes.  Love this.

Don't worry, it's entirely likely I'll be back to my "normal" self in a couple of days, until then, no person or food item is safe.

How the Mighty Have Fallen

+

=

Oh the shame!!  Sigh.

ps.  I did track the BK and my weekly points took a hit but with today being day one, the week can be salvaged.

Weigh-In and 30, 20, 30!

Yesterday I weighed in and I was down 1.6 pounds.  Not gonna lie.  I was disappointed.  I've since changed my tune so don't jump on me.  But yesterday, my first thought was "I did 30 Day Shred 6 days in a row as well as some zumba and yoga and I only lost 1.6 pounds??? BULL$HIT!!".  Now that I've slept on it, I'm happy with 1.6 pounds.  It's down.  It was more than 1.  It's in the healthy range for successful weight loss.  And when doing the math, if I do this 25 more times, I will be within my lifetime membership range again at WW.  So last week 25 more times!!!  Here we go!

30 Day Shred . . . ah f*ck it.  :)  Seriously, I can't watch Jillian every day for 30 days.  Yes, it's an excuse but really I can't.  I started off doing it, by day two I'd muted it and by day 6, I couldn't watch her anymore.  Her silent enunciation started driving me nuts and now that I've mentioned it, it's going to drive you nuts too, I apologize.  So my new plan is just activity for 30 days straight.  I have a multitude of dvd's and Wii workouts that I don't have to get sick of any one in particular.  Tomorrow I'm starting with Bob's Pure Burn Super Strength.  I've done it before and really liked it because it was very close to a class a I fell in love with at the gym called Barbell Blast.



20 -- I got to change my HYC badge to 20 lbs lost!

30 consecutive days tracking.  Today is day 30 and I've tracked every bite, lick, taste, sip. Everything!  It works.  It keeps me in check.  I'm so excited to be just a week away from my previous record of 37 days.  Today has been a rough day.  I've been feeling a little woeful and bogged down by life stuff and in turn, that makes me feel hungry.  Emotionally hungry.  And I want to cure it with a mountain of bad food.  I actually need to go grocery shopping right now but I don't want to go because I know that I will come home with some crap to ingest tonight.  I know I'm not physically hungry so I'm really trying not to go nuts and I'm tracking everything.  It's 7:29 pm and the only thing I'm having more today is a glass of wine.  Come to mama!!!

Weight Makes Me Wait . . .

. . . But not anymore!!!!  I will back up.  I have always let my weight stop me from doing things and going places.  If it's going out to do something where I think there is the potential for me to look ridiculous, I try to find a way to not do it or I just don't go.  And for going places like traveling, I think of trip pictures.  I don't want fat trip pictures.  It's stupid, I know it is, I'm not really living.  I thought about it a lot before my trip to BC in May and it really turned out fine.  I mean, duh, I just don't post the pictures where I look much larger than everyone else or I'm sporting extra chins!!

Back to the present, my Vancouver sister messaged me on Sunday night talking about how she was going on a yoga/spa trip with some friends in California and she was going to spend a couple days in San Francisco by herself and she was nervous because she'd never done that before.  Then she joked that I should meet her in San Francisco.  We laughed, wishing we were the type of people who just did that and had the money to just do that.  I kept thinking about it and then went online to check flights out of curiosity because I really had no idea how much that flight would normally cost.  Seat sale.  Oh my. Opportunity.  I tell my sister and we get excited for a minute and then I say that I really can't afford it.  She understands and we say one day, we'll take a trip together.  I lay awake all night thinking about it and what i realized was that the weight was stopping me more than my bank account.  I have zero objections to charging a trip and paying it off over the next few months because trip opportunities and travel buddies rarely come up.  This is a great opportunity so when I realized it was actually my weight and my own self-conscious feelings that was stopping me, I got really angry at myself.  Missed opportunity after missed opportunity.  I got to work the next morning exhausted and I looked up the flight again.  Next to it, it said "one seat remaining at this price".  The night before it said four.  I booked it.  I BOOKED IT!!  I'M GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO!!!  WITH MY SISTER!!!  While I am still self-conscious and I am still thinking about it and I am busting my ass to at least lose 10 pounds before I go (September 9th), I refuse to let my weight stop me from doing things anymore and I'm so pissed off that I did this for so long.  And so the countdown begins . . .

30 Day Shred Update
Day 5 . . . damn you Jillian . . . doable, I'm getting in more push-ups than when I started and taking less breathing breaks.
Day 6 . . . damn you Jillian . . . I'm starting to get sick of watching her.  I have it muted and listen to music but I'm starting to notice how much she enunciates, I think I'm a lip reader now!
Day 7 . . . FAIL.  I shouldn't call it failure.  Working out six days in a row and tracking all of my food and staying on plan isn't failure and I need to change my attitude.  After not sleeping Sunday night because of the above story, I just kept getting more and more tired.  I got home from work today and put on my sports bra and my shorts and sat down on the couch with the dvd remote.  Put my head back and fell asleep for an hour, sitting up. Tomorrow is a new day.  Actually, tomorrow is the day I take my measurements to see if any inches have been lost since I started Shred.

Almost forgot, another very cool thing about my trip to San Fran is that I fly home through Vancouver and I'm going to stay there for a few days and I'll get to see my family again!  So excited!!!

Anyone been to San Francisco?  Any tips on must see's and must do's?

Damn You Jillian!

The week has started off well with a 2 pound loss, woohoo! Really?  Tracking works? Really?  Yes, yes it does.  Today marks 23 days of tracking and I'm determined to get past my previous record of 37 days.  While I am encouraged that the scale has gone down three weeks in a row, I'm so irritated that this is where I was in March.  Losing weight that I've lost already is so infuriating.  I just hope I"m mad enough this time around to keep it off.

What's working . . . salad.  I've never been a salad fan unless it's made by someone else.  I hate the washing, chopping and preparing.  By the time I'm done all that, I don't even want to eat it.  I've been eating two different salads that are easy to prepare with minimal chopping. Caesar salad (I use the PC Yogurt Caesar dressing) and the romaine/spinach with strawberries, feta, pecans, and raspberry vinaigrette.  I've had a giant salad every day for the last week +.  I have it as soon as I'm done the workout after work and then I start making supper.  It keeps me from being too hungry and overeating at dinner.   I'd like to add another salad choice to the mix though, preferably something with blue cheese dressing, I love blue cheese dressing.  Anyone have a simple salad or favorite blue cheese dressing that is point friendly??

I mentioned in my last post that I was going to do the 30 Day Shred for 30 days.  I didn't start for the first couple days.  I needed to work up to it.  I started on Saturday, August 6th and I've done it every day since including today, that's 4 days.  I've muted her now and I just play my iPod.  My experience so far:

Day One . . . damn you Jillian . . . I did the whole thing but took about a 5 second rest at the end of each segment.

Day Two . . . damn you Jillian . . . same as above.  I did a bit of yoga this night as well and I think that helped with the muscle stiffness.

Day Three . . . damn you Jillian . . . I did more push-ups in the time allotted this time, I took less breaks.

Day Four . . . damn you Jillian . . . same as above and I discovered Two Door Cinema on my iPod, must listen to them more.  Today I also did 10 minutes of Zumba after just for some more cardio.

The cover of the video says "lose up to 20 pounds in 30 days".  I'm not going to get there because I think it's lofty but I'm going to take a run at it.  The morning I started Shred, I took "before" pictures which likely won't see the light of day, and I took lots of measurements.  I'm going to keep that up weekly.  I want results!!!

Sweaty after Shred and then even sweatier after the added Zumba, my hair was stuck to my neck.  EW.

Next up . . . Yoga.  Any yogi's out there?  I'd really like to get into yoga.  Especially since I did just 10 minutes on Sunday and I think it saved me from the major muscle pain that starts about two days after I start doing some work outs.  I have Rodney Yee's Power Yoga but I knew after the first ten minutes that it was more of an intermediate DVD as opposed to beginner.  I need a good beginner DVD.  Any recommendations?  I've looked into the beginner DVD with pose instruction by Rodney Yee but can't find it anywhere so I'd have to order it.  Does anyone have it and like it?  Or have a different beginner DVD that they love?  Thanks!!

Weigh-in and Randoms

So this past Monday was a stat holiday here in Canada so we didn't have a WW meeting and I just weighed in at home.  Down 2 pounds!  Yes I'm pleased.  Getting closer to Onederland again and can't wait to get there.   And once there, I want to stay there . . . FOREVER.

This will be random, I apologize.  I can't ever think of anything to write about and what I've come up with as being the problem is that I'm boring.  So here are my random thoughts and tidbits for the week:

I was thinking I would do the 30 Day Shred for 30 days.  The most I've ever made is 10 days. Anyone want to do it with me?




I normally take the bus to work and today I took my car.  I was thinking I should come up with a list of errands to run on my way home to make the car at work more worthwhile.  The only things I could come up with were that I needed cat food and a box of red wine.  Those two stores are side by side so then my dilemma was, is it more pathetic to take a bag of cat food into the liquor store or a box of wine into the grocery store to get cat food??  I chose to walk back to the car and put the booze in and then get the cat food.  I decided both options looked equally as sad.  hahaha!


I got an iPhone!!  I love love love it.  I downloaded the WW eTools app and it is so awesome to be able to just enter everything I eat right then.  Makes keeping up with my consecutive days tracking much more convenient (notice the 18!).  I love the iPhone for so many other reasons too.  The only flaw I've discovered with the iPhone is that it can't take a picture of itself so I can post it. :)  Anybody have some favorite apps that I can't live without?


Well, I think that's all the random I have for now.  See?  Boring!!

Ah, Week One!

I love week one.  I always have a big loss once I've gone back to WW after taking time off. I get back on plan and boom, down 5.0 pounds!  Yeah baby!!!  I need to get back to Onederland seeing as how I only spent 5 minutes there the last time :(  I've been trying to be very consistent this week by working on habits that make WW work for me.  Some of those, setting the coffee maker the night before, having a few frozen  dinners in the freezer just in case I don't have something to take for lunch, and always having some fresh fruit & veggies on hand for snacks.  I'm trying new things and using ideas shared from other bloggers.  One of which is this salad: romaine (I used spinach & romaine), strawberries, feta pecans, raspberry vinaigrette.  So delicious and so very pretty to look at (as you can see here).

I"m also a sucker for pudding. I always have been.  Since I was a kid fighting my siblings for a beater or the bowl!!  I have a cupboard full of sugar-free fat-free pudding that I bought in the States on my last cross-border shopping trip.  What can I say, they have some flavors we don't have here and the Canadians are ripped off!!  Below was my fave of the week, white chocolate pudding with strawberries and half a banana.  Yum. Yum. Yum.

I have to get working on the activity side of things.  I'm not putting a lot of pressure on myself at the moment though.  I really just want some good, solid habits as far as my eating and meal-planning goes.  Today marks the end of day 8 of tracking all my food.  I think that's the highest I've gotten since I tracked my record of 37 days.  

Victory Moment:  Today at work was someone's 40th birthday at work and they brought in a delicious cake.  I bolted as soon as we finished singing and went outside for a few minutes. By the time I came back in, cake was gone and empty plates were in the garbage.  

And a shout out to these two:  George Catstanza on the left and Sophie on the right.  This pretty much sums them up.   Georgie is a two and a half year-old goofball and Sophie is a serious 13 year-old who always has to have a paw on me even if she's sitting behind me on the couch and has to stretch.  They are such mood boosters, I should have named them Paxil and Zoloft.  Seriously, someone should do that, that's hilarious!!

So I will leave it at that.  With one question!  Have any of you tried those "green" bags or "green" containers?  Typical "as seen on tv" fare that is supposed to keep produce fresher for longer.  So if you've tried them . . . do they work, not work?  Thanks!!

So Far So Good!

I'm really happy I went back to the WW meetings and bought a 10-week pass.  These first 4 days back at tracking everything have been really good and I'm paying attention to what I"m preparing and making my own morning coffee and packing lunches.  I find that making my own coffee and packing my lunch really sets me up for success for the day.  I'm NOT NOT NOT a morning person so if the coffee isn't set and the lunch packed the night before, it doesn't happen.  I buy a coffee which generally turns into something much higher in points and lunch is usually something terrible, delicious but terrible.  I also try to eat at home more when I'm paying for a WW pass in order to offset the added pressure to the budget.

Today, a friend and I were exchanging emails and she said she was making fajitas for dinner.  From that moment on, it was all I could think about.  I got off the bus and walked across the lot to Safeway and bought the fixings for fajitas!  They were so delicious.  I weighed and measured everything and assembled my two fajitas and then put all the leftovers in the fridge right away.  I would surely have gone back for third (at least) if I'd left the stuff out.  Now I know I've got a tasty supper in the fridge for tomorrow night :)  My pictures aren't quite up to other blogs but I had to take them because they looked so good.

Funny thing happened at the office today!  With my job I regularly talk to the majority of the real estate legal assistants and paralegals in the city.  One of the regular girls calls me today and right away we start talking about how hot it is.  It's been in the 40's here with the humidity.  INSANE!!  We are not accustomed to this.  It's also been like that for two and a half weeks.  I'm miserable.  Looks like another week of it is in store.  Anyhow, she then says "I don't like the heat anyway but I'm also a bigger girl and that makes me even more uncomfortable".  I say that I can relate.  Then she says "I'm working on it though, going to Weight Watchers".  I started laughing and said "ME TOO!".  As it turns out, we've both lost a lot of weight on WW in the past.  She's lost 100 so far!!  I lost all mine and gained it back.  I said that I just went back to meetings this past Monday and bought a ten-week pass.  She just went back Tuesday and bought a ten-week pass.  And it gets better . . . she lives five minutes from me.  So after talking to each other on the phone a few times a week for the last three years, we've just discovered all this.  The meeting she goes to is the one I used to go to so we've likely seen each other!  We're going to try to hook up for some meetings.  So funny because we've never actually met, haha.  I think if my friend isn't going to make it on a Monday night, I'll tag along with my new buddy on the Tuesday night.  It's the same leader so that's wonderful because she's fabulous.  

So after catching up some blogs, I've got some new meal ideas to inject some variety and I'm excited!  Off to set my coffee maker and pack my lunch :)

The F Word.

The other F word.  I had such high hopes for last week.  I lasted two days before I started to self-destruct.  The exercise disappeared, the tracking took a swan dive and the pounds started coming on.  Who decides to exercise for 15 minutes per day and track all their food and manages to gain 3.2 pounds in a week?????  I do.  FAIL.  I stepped on the scale this morning and saw 216.0 staring back at me hated myself in that moment.  FAIL.  FAIL.  FAIL.

I'm not quite sure what happened this week.  I am but I'm not.  To say that I'm an emotional eater is the understatement of the new millennium.  I also don't ever really feel physically full.  My standard answer when someone says "are you hungry?" is "i could eat".  Really??  I could eat??  Do I even consider whether or not I'm physically hungry.  Nope.  I'm going to eliminate "I could eat" from my vocabulary.  The other problem this week was the heat.  The heat here has been incredible and for people that like hot & humid, it's a dream.  For me and my fair-skinned, fair-haired self, it feels like hell.  I need for it to be about 5 - 10 degrees cooler than it is to be even remotely comfortable so I've spent most of my time inside.  I did watch the first season of True Blood though :)  And a bunch of movies.  Although . . . I could be exercising inside.  It's not like I don't have a window unit air conditioner and a fan.  But I chose to be miserable and eat to make myself feel better for a very short time.  Excuses excuses excuses.

I'm starting my war on Failure.  Tonight, I went to my WW meeting for the first time since April.  I also bought a ten-week pass.  It was so hard walking in there and weighing in knowing that I was going to be heavier than the last time I was there.  And because I'm a lifetime member.  I got to my goal weight and maintained it for three months and became a lifetime member.  Then I gained it ALL back and then some.  For right now, I need the support and accountability of being weighed in by someone and there's nothing like throwing some money at the situation to motivate!  I could also use the weekly pep talk.  Initially, I was just going to weigh in and say hello to my regular leader and then leave but I sat down and stayed for the meeting and it was really motivating and encouraging.

If you watch Bachelorette, you'll
understand the pic :)

So now, I'm watching the Bachelorette (this is for another post called The S Word - Shame).  Once that's over, I'm packing my big-assed salad and fruits and veggies for work tomorrow.  WAR ON FAILURE!!!

Recipe!!  So this recipe was on the weekly handout this week and apparently it went out in a Weight Watchers email a couple weeks ago.  I haven't had it but several people were raving about it at the meeting so thought I'd share it.  I found the link for the Blueberry Squares.  Just 2 Points+ per square!  Let me know if you try it and like it.  I'd make it but then I'd eat the whole pan so I'll have to wait till I have an occasion or party.


Final Bachelorette Thought:  She is going to regret who she let go.  Mark my words.

Back on Track!!

my back on track (pun intended) picture with my lovely sister

Okay, I'm back on track.  Literally.  I've tracked my points for two days now.  I actually only gained one pound while on vacation and then gained 11 pounds when I got home.  I don't know what the problem was.  I was just swimming in all these thoughts about how I could get back to Vancouver.  (Still happening by the way, my mind has not been changed).   I think I was just distracted and unhappy here.  There's some family drama happening revolving around my little sister (not the one in the pic) and my mom that just won't die down or go away.  But I've decided to move on from that because I can't change it, it's not my drama, it's not my fault, and it's not my problem.  I'm not taking it on anymore.  Case closed.

My plan of attack now is to keep the tally going on my "consecutive days tracked".  I found out last Thursday that a friend of mine in the same area has gone back to going to WW meetings so starting next Monday, I'm going to go with her for the rest of the summer.  I've also roped in a neighbour for some exercise accountability.  Over BBQ on Saturday night we made a pact to do AT LEAST 15 minutes of activity daily starting today.  I did Zumba for Wii after work.  I really love it, I don't know why I don't do this every day other than that I'm lazy!!!!  I'd rather watch tv.  But I popped it in and I did the 20 minute Beginner workout and I was a PUDDLE by the end!!!  The 20 minutes flew by because I like it!  Tomorrow I'm giving Bob Harper's Pure Burn Super Strenth video a whirl.  Here's a trailer if you want to be scared!  Then I'll do the Zumba again the following day.  I also tried the yoga on the Wii Fit a couple weeks ago and I liked that too so I will have to work that into the rotation.  (haha - if I'm going to move to Vancouver I'd better practice my yoga, I hear they are a bunch of yogis out West :)  So there's my plan!  Alternate lots of workouts to keep it fresh and actually use all these games & videos I own and count my points like a good little Weight Watcher!

Finally, someone had commented a little while back asking what I thought of the Zumba for Wii so here's my brief review.  I'm uncoordinated and I find it to be lots of fun.  Even if you're terrible but trying, you sweat!  I love the latin music!  A negative is the tutorials.  I found the tutorials to go too fast.  Your best bet with the tutorials is to not put the wii remote in the belt.  It automatically thinks you're doing well even when you're not and bumps up to the next level.  My suggestion for the tutorial is to do it without the remote, then when you think you have the steps, give the remote a couple of shakes and it will move to the next level.  I just gave up on the tutorials and found it easier to just jump right in to the beginner workouts.  You pick it up pretty quick and with practice, you get better & better!

And p.s.  I had to do a quick post today because a friend of mine said, and I quote, "update your blog or I'm telling your mom about it".  Good friend.  :)

PUBLISH POST!

Trip of my Lifetime?

I'M BACK!!!  I've been humming & hawing over posting for two weeks now.  Mostly because I've been distracted by my life.  I've talked about my trip to Vancouver in a couple previous posts, most recently the last one.  I was excited to go and see family and on the other hand, I was nervous too.  Thankfully, there were only a few moments where I felt like the 'fat one'. Usually it was when I was looking through pictures or when we were getting ready to go out. My sister would just throw something on and look beautiful and I was painfully trying on everything I'd packed.  Other than those moments, I was totally fine.  I actually managed to make it through 11 days of vacation and only gained one pound!!  I count that as a huge success.  Since I've been back I haven't been counting points or consistently exercising and I've just maintained my weight.  I have to get back to actively trying.

As for my trip, it was amazing.  Perhaps the trip of a lifetime.  Seems a little dramatic seeing as how I just went to Vancouver to visit family.  However, I had not seen them in a minimum of 10 years.  Some of them over 20 years.  I was expecting to visit, have a fun time, and be ready to come home.  I'm always ready to come home when I've been away. Even for 5 days.  This time though, I never wanted to come home.  The connections that I made and the relationships that were renewed made me want to stay there forever.  I'd never known what it was like to be in a room full of people and have them all share my last name. Seems like a silly thing but it was very cool.  After a few days, I realized that for them the trip wasn't just about visiting with me, it was about selling me on Vancouver.  They took me everywhere everyday and I was exhausted but by day two I was in love with it and picturing myself living there.  I was actually born there so when I arrived at the airport, they were all saying "welcome home!'  I thought it was funny at first but I eventually realized it was true.

My sister and I cried parting ways and the whole flight home I was thinking about how and when I could be living there.  I was thinking about what I would be giving up versus what I would be gaining, what I have tying me here and so on.  What I came up with is that the only thing tying me to Winnipeg is my job.  That used to be enough for me.  The security of knowing I have a good job, I can pay my mortgage, I'll have a good pension and I won't have to seriously worry about money.  But is that enough??  I finally decided that it's not.  I do have a few close friends here and a younger brother & sister here.  When my brother & sister were younger, I wouldn't have left.  But they are 21 & 24 now.  They're grown and I have to stop feeling responsible for them.  As for my friends, yes, I'll miss them.  But honestly, I don't actually SEE a whole lot of them.  They have families and lives and they've moved away and come back and lived their lives and I wasn't a factor in that because it was their life.  Why shouldn't I be doing the same?  Living my life!  Right now and for the last long while, I haven't had much of a life.  And if not now, then when?  I'm not married, I'm not dating anyone, I don't have kids.  Now is the perfect time.

When I got home, I started looking around my place and taking stock of what I would take and what I would get rid of.  It's amazing what you're willing to part with when faced with moving it across the country.  Purging is so freeing!!!  Right now, I don't think I will be moving till June 2012, the earliest.  It seems so far away but when you think about how fast time goes, I think it will fly by.  Except for that nasty winter part in the middle, that will drag. I've been thinking about what I will do for work and I've put myself on a job alert for a utility company there that is the same utility I work for here.  I've also considered the possibility of going back to school.  If I'm going to start over, why not START OVER?  In high school, I wanted to be a pharmacist and I did really well in all the sciences in high school and then bombed in university and I just gave up that idea.  There is a Pharmacy Technician course offered at the college in Vancouver and the wait list is a year so I applied for the September 2012 start.  It was only $30 to apply so worst-case scenario, I lose $30 if I decide not to go that route.  While this is all extremely scary for me, EXTREMELY SCARY, it is also very exciting and I know the rough part of a move will only be for a short time.  I'm a creature of habit and I know it would be very easy for me to slip back into my life as it is and forget about all the feelings and joy I had while I was away but I'm doing my best not to let myself forget.  I've been in contact with my sisters daily, going through different sections of my condo and getting rid of stuff.  I framed my favorite pictures from the trip and put them on my wall and pictures of all my brothers and sisters on my mantle.  Daily reminders of what I want so I don't get complacent.

Okay, so now that I've caught you up on what I've been distracted by, I'll share some of my favorite pictures from the trip that have made my Vancouver wall!

My sister Erin & I

Erin, David, Me

My brother David & I

Me & Erin

Erin, niece Adrianna, me, Heather

Me & my sister Heather

My brother Mark & I

Brandywine Falls

Very cool double rainbow on the way to Whistler.

AMAZING SUSHI!

The train, it was the first time I'd been on one.

Queen Elizabeth Park, I fell in love with it.

I also watched three hockey games while I was there and I've watched the last three since I've been home with great passion.  I don't know how they did it but I'm hooked and I'm pissed I didn't buy a t-shirt while I was there :)

Well, that's it for now.  Hopefully my next post will be weight loss based!!  I'm going to start counting my points again Monday and breaking out the Zumba for the Wii!  Now if you'll excuse me, I have scads of blogs to catch up on :)